Joke of the Day - If Santa answered his letters...
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Binda33
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
You're parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my fucking mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed like Chutes and Ladders.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" anyways?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house...
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiny begging crap may work with your folks, but that shit doesn't fly up here. You're getting a sweater....again.
Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa
Comments
BINDAMAXXXXXX
LAME
😛 @ Jake
lame like an insane donkey stuck inside a Q1 hospital. With cheese.
CHEESE
You guys are getting so hard to please!
binda.... i love teh jokes but on the forums plox. If everyone posted jokes our media would be worse then it is now
Patti, I've been posting jokes here for many weeks now and almost all feedback is positive. I posted a joke on forum and got a response of 1.
I did check the rules and I'm within them.
Hehe I always knew Santa was different than in the stories. 🙂
Voted
I actually liked the jokes
I reckon as long as it's just Binda and it doesn't become an army of people posting jokes it's ok.
If it becomes an army of jokers though...
Patti ligthen the.............up man if we just have the usual banal drivel that gets published here we would have too many EV to count.
Keep it up Binda, no one reads the forums anyway.
It's ok. Patti and I sorted it all out on IRC last night. 🙂
Lol, they are good 😉
Voted and Subscribed.
"You're getting a sweater....again."
lolz to that 😃