Happy Birthday Slack & Wayne
Day 1,614, 08:14
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by Sir Nick Griffin
The following is an account of slack & wayne's birthday party, as told by LadyMacbeth. Co-written by herself and Sir Nick.
As usual, I was considerably late to the UKPP Saturday-night meeting.
“Alfa, you’re a crazy man“ – I thought to myself, who on Earth would schedule a weekly meeting for Saturday?
“Alfa’s always right” – my inner voice reminded me, as I started to run along the endless corridors of the party building, the constant knocking of my heels amplified in the empty corridors.
The closer I got, the more evident was the sound of a low-rated rap ban
“My d*ck is buuurning” – was overflowing around me.
“Did I hear that right??” – I could not believe my ears.
The door of the meeting room was slammed open. Holding a cigarette in his lips, Alfa was sitting on a “judge’s desk” totally ignoring Enolive’s futile attempts to drag him down.
“Stop smoking in a public place or you’ll be under the administrative charge” – tipsy Eno’s voice didn’t sound convincing.
“Dictator!” – shouted BMThatcher from his corner holding a bottle of Red Label with both of his hands, while glaring daggers at Angela Williams who was drooling over the whiskey.
“How about a blind-folded game of chess?” - piped Angela, refusing to give up, “The winner gets the bottle! I will even give you a hint; if you play Sicilian defence, you will most likely lose, like LM recently did”.
Yet, the scale of catastrophe became apparent to me once I crossed the doorstep and entered the room.
“Hey LM, welcome to the party” - Came from the back of Alfa's head, as he looked in the opposite direction.
“The party” seemed to be getting towards its logical end.
Uncle Mick was surrounded by three empty cases of Strongbow and apart from
“hello..” – hiccup – “.. niece” – hiccup, was unable to say a thing.
MattHirst had drunk so much cheap lager that he was attempting to plough the carpet with his knife and fork... He then proceeded to scatter Tomato seeds on the floor.
Holding a hole covered plastic bag filled with an unpleasant looking liquid, Nick was trying to hide from me behind the drapes. Failing to avoid my stringent glance, he crawled away finding his shelter under the bench.
Staggering, Gareth was attempting to copy Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers” on the wall, which looked more like a set of yellow circles to me.
“Flowers for the Ladies” – he murmured, although apart from myself, I could not see a single female in the room.
Completely sober, Joe was competing with Gareth and drawing anime icons in the middle of yellow circles, surrounding them with incomprehensible Japanese symbols.
Slack and Wayne were sitting on the floor in the centre of the room.
“What is going on, guys??” – I exploded!
“We’re having a buck’s party” – said Slack, who then burped.
“And who’s getting married??!!” – wow, what a conspiracy, I realised. Apart from Alfa, no one ever mentioned about a wedding in the last couple of months!
Slack gently embraced Wayne and rested his head on Wayne’s shoulder – “Us!”
“You know, LM” – continued Slack abruptly, “After Lauren rejected me, I got so despaired that I proposed to Wayne and he agreed!”
“R-r-rubbish! Petty bullsh*t” – shouted Wayne – “I am faithful with my missus! I’ve never cheated on her! Get your dirty hands off me!”
“I think it’s the time” – said Alfa and dragged a big cardboard box to the centre of the room.
“Is that our wedding cake??” – said Slack happily, trying to kiss Wayne.
In a minute, the music has stopped, the room got dark and Lauren Taylor in a sexy bikini jumped out of the box carrying the poster “Happy Birthday, Slack and Wayne!”
“It was supposed to be a Birthday Party, but everyone got smashed too early and could not remember why we were here any more” – said Alfa and winked at us. “I am off shmoking outside, before Eno takes me to court”.
“How about having a chicks party?” – said Lauren to me.
I overlooked the room, and there was nothing interesting going on.
“Sure, Lauren!”
We handed the “Happy Birthday” poster to an utterly happy Slack and Wayne, kissed their stubby cheeks and left the room.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLACK & WAYNE, FROM LADYMACBETH,SIR NICK AND THE UKPP
As usual, I was considerably late to the UKPP Saturday-night meeting.
“Alfa, you’re a crazy man“ – I thought to myself, who on Earth would schedule a weekly meeting for Saturday?
“Alfa’s always right” – my inner voice reminded me, as I started to run along the endless corridors of the party building, the constant knocking of my heels amplified in the empty corridors.
The closer I got, the more evident was the sound of a low-rated rap ban
😛
“My d*ck is buuurning” – was overflowing around me.
“Did I hear that right??” – I could not believe my ears.
The door of the meeting room was slammed open. Holding a cigarette in his lips, Alfa was sitting on a “judge’s desk” totally ignoring Enolive’s futile attempts to drag him down.
“Stop smoking in a public place or you’ll be under the administrative charge” – tipsy Eno’s voice didn’t sound convincing.
“Dictator!” – shouted BMThatcher from his corner holding a bottle of Red Label with both of his hands, while glaring daggers at Angela Williams who was drooling over the whiskey.
“How about a blind-folded game of chess?” - piped Angela, refusing to give up, “The winner gets the bottle! I will even give you a hint; if you play Sicilian defence, you will most likely lose, like LM recently did”.
Yet, the scale of catastrophe became apparent to me once I crossed the doorstep and entered the room.
“Hey LM, welcome to the party” - Came from the back of Alfa's head, as he looked in the opposite direction.
“The party” seemed to be getting towards its logical end.
Uncle Mick was surrounded by three empty cases of Strongbow and apart from
“hello..” – hiccup – “.. niece” – hiccup, was unable to say a thing.
MattHirst had drunk so much cheap lager that he was attempting to plough the carpet with his knife and fork... He then proceeded to scatter Tomato seeds on the floor.
Holding a hole covered plastic bag filled with an unpleasant looking liquid, Nick was trying to hide from me behind the drapes. Failing to avoid my stringent glance, he crawled away finding his shelter under the bench.
Staggering, Gareth was attempting to copy Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers” on the wall, which looked more like a set of yellow circles to me.
“Flowers for the Ladies” – he murmured, although apart from myself, I could not see a single female in the room.
Completely sober, Joe was competing with Gareth and drawing anime icons in the middle of yellow circles, surrounding them with incomprehensible Japanese symbols.
Slack and Wayne were sitting on the floor in the centre of the room.
“What is going on, guys??” – I exploded!
“We’re having a buck’s party” – said Slack, who then burped.
“And who’s getting married??!!” – wow, what a conspiracy, I realised. Apart from Alfa, no one ever mentioned about a wedding in the last couple of months!
Slack gently embraced Wayne and rested his head on Wayne’s shoulder – “Us!”
“You know, LM” – continued Slack abruptly, “After Lauren rejected me, I got so despaired that I proposed to Wayne and he agreed!”
“R-r-rubbish! Petty bullsh*t” – shouted Wayne – “I am faithful with my missus! I’ve never cheated on her! Get your dirty hands off me!”
“I think it’s the time” – said Alfa and dragged a big cardboard box to the centre of the room.
“Is that our wedding cake??” – said Slack happily, trying to kiss Wayne.
In a minute, the music has stopped, the room got dark and Lauren Taylor in a sexy bikini jumped out of the box carrying the poster “Happy Birthday, Slack and Wayne!”
“It was supposed to be a Birthday Party, but everyone got smashed too early and could not remember why we were here any more” – said Alfa and winked at us. “I am off shmoking outside, before Eno takes me to court”.
“How about having a chicks party?” – said Lauren to me.
I overlooked the room, and there was nothing interesting going on.
“Sure, Lauren!”
We handed the “Happy Birthday” poster to an utterly happy Slack and Wayne, kissed their stubby cheeks and left the room.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLACK & WAYNE, FROM LADYMACBETH,SIR NICK AND THE UKPP
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Comments
Brilliant
LMFAO
Apart from the cheap larger, that sounds like an entirely plausible situation for me to be in. 😨
+When do we get to find out about the girls party? HMM!!? 😃
i dont drink and she hasnt rejected me yet! ;_;
also its matt hirst i'd propose to if it were to be a male :3
Thanks guys made me lol. Mick looks like he had fun 😉
Slack, did i ever mention in the text that you were drunk? 🙂
Well, i did try to use all the possible knowledge from the RL i could gather. But in a few cases, i sucked.
xD