Both CP Candidates Answer Stupid Questions

Day 3,453, 11:13 • Published in USA USA • by Gnilraps
Day 3453 of the New World
May 4, 2017




Presidential hopefuls Derphoof and Wild Owl answered some stupid questions asked by me. I think it’s kind of cool that both candidates are USWP members.


Anyway, I asked the stupid questions and I’m publishing their answers.


I’m doing this for two reasons. First, because I like it when people read my paper. Second, because I’m hoping to draw just a little bit more attention to the election race. I think this election has a chance to be a close one for the ages!







The first thing I asked each candidate to do is introduce himself. Here’s what each sai😛




Derphoof said - I am Derphoof, the current ponylicious president of the United States.

16 Shells says - ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.



Wild Owl said - Hello. I'm Wild Owl. Started playing this game around 3 years ago. I've been pretty active in the running of our great e-country, and have been Country President seven times, and MoFA countless times. I'm running this month to increase accountability and the number of stake holders in the eUS government.

16 Shells says - Wise owl. He knows he’s been in the background for a few months now, maybe some new players don’t know his impressive history.






Then I asked each to tell me a dirty joke that wouldn’t get my paper banned. I also wouldn’t let them google for one.


I only got one joke out of it, that from Derphoof. He quipe😛
What do you call a slutty horse?
A little whoresy.

16 Shells says - Meh.

But at least I got a joke out of him. Wild Owl simply warne😛
Unfortunately, all the jokes I know would probably get your article banned.

16 Shells says - prove it.







Because I knew these were stupid questions, I figured I’d be losing my readers by now, so my next question was to ask them for a picture of a hottie. I specified that it had to be an American Woman. I’m pretty hetero about things like this. I hope my little strategy pays off and these pictures keep you interested, because maybe one of my later questions won’t be stupid after all.


Here’s who Wild Owl thinks is hot:



Derphoof went in a different direction:



16 Shells says - you could probably decide who to vote for based on which of these pictures you prefer. The race is going to be close either way.







I stupidly then asked each candidate for two good reasons we should still be clicking in this game 6 months from now. I know, right?


Wild Owl went all game theory on us. Here’s his answer:
Most people who are playing this game now are here largely due to sunk cost fallacy. However, I expect a sizable portion of our current population to keep playing because of the friendships and bonds they've made with fellow players over here. There's also a sense of pride among some players, including me, that our cores haven't been threatened for over 3 years in this game now, and many of us would like to keep that going.


Derphoof kept it simple:
To collect the salty tears of the oppressed, as well as to see the latest juicy political drama.


16 Shells says - I hope I’m not here in 6 months to find out whose answer was better.







Look. It’s well known by now that I tend to have a soft heart for new players. Maybe it’s because I feel sorry for them that they even stumbled in here… I dunno. But I always want to know what other players are up to when it comes to helping out the little guy. So I asked each candidate the following stupid question: Name the last new player you’ve helped and describe the help you gave. (I even invited a screenshot because my SFP readers sometimes need to learn new things like screenshots which show other people that you actually did something… but I digress.) Sadly I did not get very good answers to this quesion.


Derphoof answered quite frankly:
I don't end up coming into contact with a bunch of new people nowadays. Last thing I did was give some supplies to a new player who contacted me via the mentor chat.

16 Shells says - Kudos for being a mentor. I’m humbled.


Wild Owl was also honest:
I send literally all the new players who message me to Easy Company. That's probably the best help I can give to them.

16 Shells says - I couldn’t agree more.


OK, so those answers were a lot better than I gave them credit for. I still would have loved some screenshots. And since they didn’t provide any screenshots, I will instead show you the other photos of hot American women each candidate supplied. I will let you guess who provided which.



And…




16 Shells says - Good luck guessing. Oh, and I can do better.







This interview is so stupid even I am getting bored. In fact, I predicted it would be. So I asked each candidate the following question: “Most people, by reading this interview, might get the impression that if there is this little substance to talk about with the potential eUSA CP, the game really must be pretty dead. Convince them otherwise using contemporary evidence.”


Evidence. That’s what I want. Let’s see what these two players who are clearly near the top of our game came up with.


Wild Owl:
While the game may look dead, and the number of players is declining very rapidly, there are still some communities left in this game, which I expect to keep playing this game in the next six months or so. While eRepublik is a mediocre game, it is the community which makes it so fun and addictive, and I fully expect many of our current players to keep playing 6 months from now, simply because they've invested so much time in this game to quit now.

16 Shells says - not evidence.



Derphoof:
The game is still evolving. Syndicate and Adriatica dissolved. Lithuania joined Asteria. The USA is back on the battlefield, and MTOs are being used from Turkey to South Korea. There's plenty going on in this game.

16 Shells says - this is evidence. That the game is in fact pretty dead.


Probably that was the least stupid question I asked.







Then I swooped in with this:

On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is an MPP with eSerbia in the next 3 months?


Derphoof said 3,
Wild Owl said 5.

16 Shells says - 0.


But now you get to try and determine through reverse psychology whether you want the 3 or the 5 in office.







And because I do know how to ask not stupid questions in a supposedly political environment, I decided to give each candidate a chance to poke around with this one:

OK, seriously, what do you hope to accomplish in the next month that hasn't already been accomplished? Be specific because we can tell when you are talking out your ass.


Neither candidate talked out of his ass.


Wild Owl sai😛
Over 8 million CC was spent this month to beat back a mid-tier power like Ukraine. That, to me, is unacceptable. (Source) If you want a better government with more accountability and lower spending, vote for me.

16 Shells says - GLOVES OFF!!! I LOVE IT!!!


Derphoof sai😛
Holding down Ukraine, acquiring MORE land, getting MPPs with Spain, France and UK.

16 Shells says - eUSA is currently ranked #4 in the eWorld. Could we climb higher?






Trust me on this, I asked a few other stupid questions that aren’t really worth reprinting because the questions were so stupid. What I did find out, though, is that Derphoof wants to spend a month locked in a room with Melissa Rose while Wild Owl would prefer Animis. That’s certainly interesting. We also learned that Wild Owl prefers Arrden over Pfeiffer and that Derphoof prefers Pfeiffer over Franklyn Stone. Whatever that means. I told you these were stupid questions. Oh - and I also got each candidate’s firm commitment that if they are elected president it will ruin their life for the next month. Just as it is supposed to.







I closed things up with them in the manner that all debates should end. I gave each one the mic.




Wild Owl said, “If you want a strong and stable government that stands up for America, and keeps our lower tax rates and low spending, vote for me.”

16 Shells says - I’d hit that.




Derphoof said, “Have you had fun? I feel like we've been having fun. Let's keep having fun.”

16 Shells says - I’d hit that.





And so for my formal endorsement for Country President for May of 2017, I strongly suggest that you elect yet another awesome USWP President.


And by the way, I feel it necessary to correct both candidates in their erroneous answers to one of my questions:




I told you I could do better.







You may now return to your regularly scheduled clicking