[XLI] THE X-FILES / ISSUE 13 - XLYMPIC AWARDS

Day 3,212, 00:31 • Published in USA USA • by Hadrian X


The XLYMPIC GAMES - 1 month, 162 entries, 14 medalists and over $200,000 in prize money awarded.

The competition comes to a conclusion with a few XLYMPIANS deserving special recognition.

The XLYMPIC AWARD WINNERS (part 1 of 2)

The USAF “Aim HARD!” Screaming Grunt XLYMPIC Award of Medals
The USAF “Aim HARD!” Award is bestowed on the individual that has made the most significant contribution to the XLYMPIC spirit during the games.

The winner is:  Fingerguns



Hadrian X:  When I mentioned doing the XYLMPICS what were your first thoughts about it and did the final results match your expectations?

Fingerguns:  I was extremely excited when I heard about the XLYMPICS. A lot of people try to do games and events, but this sounded like it was actually planned and the categories were appealing. I really kicked myself for not competing because it looked like a lot of fun, but I was happy to just judge things and make everyone else do the hard work.

HX:  What does it mean for you to win the The USAF “Aim HARD!” Screaming Grunt Award of Medals for your significant contributions to the XLYMPIC games as judge and biggest cheerleader/vocal supporter?

FG:  As an egomaniac, I am always excited to win something or be the best at something. However I really didn’t see this coming. I didn’t make any concerted effort to promote the XLYMPICS, I just promote things and talk about things that interest me and things I think people need to know about. The games have been endlessly amusing and I know how much work went into them.

HX:  Whose XLYMPIC submissions surprised you most (in a good way)?

FG:  TylerVS had a panty-dropping poetry submission that I’m pretty sure got me pregnant. I don’t know who TylerVS is, but I wasn’t expecting something on that level or even about that topic. This game is full of basement-dwelling virgin trolls, afterall. Or, rather, it’s supposed to be.

HX:  Which was your favorite category to judge and why?

FG:  MadLibs, for sure. Some have said that a good MadLib is pure chance, but I strongly disagree. When it comes to nouns, there is a huge difference between ‘cat’ and ‘lifetime supply of Laffy Taffy.’ Yes, ‘big’ is an adjective, but so is ‘insidious.’ I know the other judges and I disagreed strongly in the MadLibs category, but this was one event where the winners were extremely clear to me.

HX:  What were a few of your favorite XLYMPIC submissions?

FG:  I gotta say, I enjoyed practically every submission from Tenshibo in every single category he was in. His rap battle debate was amazing, his sick burns were so sick they actually bled over into the poetry category. I mean he’s just an incredible player. He’s such a butt sometimes, but you don’t produce entries like that by being an idiot. He earned a new level of respect with me.

HX:  Name one XLYMPIAN who did not win a medal, that you feel deserves recognition for their XLYMPIC performance and spirit.

FG:  There are a couple people I could name here, but I feel like Pfeiffer was on board with this very early on and was very excited about competing in every category. He promoted the hell out of it on his radio show, too. He may have been a complete and utter disappointment as a competitor, but he definitely helped make the XLYMPICS more of a can’t-miss event.

HX:  If you could pick any song, what song do you think should be the official XLYMPIC anthem?

FG:  

HX:  What has your overall XLYMPIC experience been like?

FG:  This has been super fun to be a part of. Events like this, on this scale, are a massive undertaking. It may never happen again. I’m glad I didn’t sit on the sidelines and chose instead to jump in with both feet. If this game is still around a couple years from now, this will be the thing all the oldfags won’t shut up about. 

HX:  Lastly, any final thoughts on the XLYMPICS as the games come to a close?

FG:  I appreciate that so many people got involved. It was nice to see different talents on display. It makes me wonder why these competitors aren’t more active in the media, to be honest with you. It would improve our overall culture to have any one of these submissions put forward as an article in the media. It’s really quality work.

People keep saying that you are crazy for putting this together and they can’t get past the amount of effort you’ve put into it. But I think the effort the competitors put in is worth taking note of, as well. It was nice to see some follow-through from so many players, yourself included. I didn’t think finishing things was something people did anymore.

So thank you for doing this, and thank you, competitors, for participating. I was very entertained and I’m proud of all you.

The Ooh Foxi Lady Award of Valor
The OFLAV will be awarded to the competitor who earns the most total GOLD medals. 

The winner is:  Paul Proteus



Hadrian X:  You are the only XLYMPIAN to win two gold medals and with it, you are the winner of the “Ooh Foxi Lady Award of Valor” – would you like to say anything as an acceptance speech for your grand accomplishments?
 
Paul Proteus: I'm not entirely sure what that is but I'm always happy to win things I guess
 
HX:  What has your overall XLYMPIC experience been like?

PP: This has actually been incredibly cool. Props Hadrian for pulling this off.
 
HX:  What are you most proud of with your XLYMPIC performance?

PP: Being interviewed by Hadrian X
 
HX:  What do you attribute your XLYMPIC excellence to?

PP: I'd like to attribute winning the tenshibo event to being under like 45.
 
HX:  Your poem “Do Fireflies Really Burn?” won you a gold medal in the POETRY JAM event.  For the tl;dr crowd, please answer, do fireflies really burn?  If not, why do their butts glow?

PP: I don't know, probably not. Fireflies are insects, insects are disgusting man. Who knows what's going on with them.
 
HX:  You were not only a competitor, in events you weren’t competing in, you were also a judge.  As a judge, whose XLYMPIC submissions surprised you most (in a good way)?

PP: This is kind of cheating, but I'd like to highlight Aramec's judging of the preliminary sick burns rounds, and Israel Stevens giving some guy straight 0s for actually threatening him as the highlights of my judging experience.

HX:  Name one XLYMPIAN who did not win a medal, that you feel deserves recognition for their XLYMPIC performance and spirit.

PP: I'm answering Derphoof, he embodies the laziness that led so many Xlympic competitors to not compete and make it possible for losers like me to win medals. This answer also embodies the nepotism that makes good judging possible.
 
HX:  If you could pick any song, what song do you think should be the official XLYMPIC anthem?

PP: 

HX:  Lastly, any final thoughts on the XLYMPICS as the games come to a close?

PP: So you're doing this again next week, right?

The rest of the XLYMPIC awards and a final wrap up coming soon!

But BEFORE that, be sure to tune into PFEIFFER RADIO today at:  https://beam.pro/JSPfeiffer

All XLYMPIANS and anyone associated with the competition (judges, etc.) can just go into the livestream chat and let Pfeiffer know you're an XLYMPIAN and you'll get $1,000 cc.  Just say "GRAB FOR THE GOLDS!!!" or "I'm an XLYMPIAN" or something to that effect in the chat and you get $1k.  Easy peasy and THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE XLYMPIC GAMES AND MAKING IT SUCH A HUGE SUCCESS!!!  🙂

And NOW, THIS...

The WINNER(s) of last issue's COLIN LANTRIP MEMORIAL AWARD OF COMMENTING EXCELLENCE and $1,000 USD/cc is CERB! 


 
Thanks for reading!

 
VOTE THIS ARTICLE UP?  DO IT FOR MARGOT?   😉

 
*** WANNA READ THE X-FILES BACK ISSUES? -> CLICK ME! ***