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WAR NEWS

Items
- The World Situation
- What Are We Gonna Do Now?
- How to Play Havoc





The World Situation


Being naught but a humble gardener, natch I've not been extravagantly noodled about the world situation. My areas of expertise are more like...

- How early one can start to germinate celery seeds? (now)

- When to prune the rose bushes? (in March)

- Is it true that a border of marigolds will keep bugs out of your vegetable garden? (yes, more or less)

- How much sunshine does it take to successfuly grow weed outdoors? (I don't know. But I was a agog the first time a local nursery started advertising webinars on growing your own cannabis. Legalization has been less, ummm, radically transformative, than I once thought it was going to be.)





But. Thrust into the august role of Minister of Propaganda for All the Northern Murikas and Their Scattered Dominions, I felt obliged to take a fresh look at screens I've been ignoring. Like the ones labled "Country Rankings", "World Map" and so forth. And holy crap, Batman!

Though a branding like "Balkan Wars in the 21st Century" would be more accurate, the crazy-quilt of eRepublik's national boundaries is so breathtakingly bonkers, one can't help but to fall in love with the game all over again.



You know. Every now and then, a new player in the e-USA goes batshit mental over the fact that the US states are carved up into Farmville regions. We are a patient people. So somebody patiently explains that Farmville is a good thing. There's benefits of having lots of training wars on offer. And having stronger allied powers close to our cores is good strategy, because they can rescue us more quickly when we're threatened.

Just to be an ornery little rocket-butt, I like to pile on after than and remind the noobs, "You know, the USA is a second-rate power, right, not quite as powerful as bigger guns like Bosnia or Taiwan? But hey, at least we're in the Top 20! Well. Just barely, anyway."



As a reminder... here's a list of the most powerful countries at present. Those in the same alliance with the USA (Asteria) are circled.






For a bit more fun (or hysteria, as the case may be), just in case you're feeling concern about the Patchwork States of Murika in eRepublik, try taking a look at the situation in Europe. Holy muck! That makes the Americas look like the Sea of Tranquility. Well. No. That's on the Moon. But you get what I mean...



Just a few things to note:
- France is in Hungary
- Chile is in France
- Hungary is in Italy and in Romania
- Macedonia is in Lithuania
- Argentina is in Russia, as is Bosnia
- Ukraine is in Donbas (a-hem!)
- Iran is in Moldova
- Australia is in Slovakia

And perhaps most importantly:
- Croatia is in Just About Everything


In fact, the world situation of eRepublik is characterized by Croatian Big Power Imperialism.

It has always been this way. Furthermore, Serbia has always been our friend and protector. In the final analysis, the whole cause of e-world revolution hinges on the revolutionary struggles of the allied Murikan, Serbo, Ukrainian, Bulgar, Persian and Romano-Modovan players -- with assistance from the brave and noble Swedes, Colombians and Portuguese. Together with our other friendlies, this unbreakable band of brothers and sisters makes up the overwhelming majority of the e-world's population of free-spirited, freethinking mavericks and nonconformists.


Hold on. I have a phone call.

Ummm. That was President "The Rock (not)" Kody. He said I may have some of the historical facts confused. But I don't think so. Based on some random google searches, I studied some propaganda posters quite carefully for several minutes and am quite convinced that Bruce Lee's untimely passing was not due to his marijuana use. So.



What?

Hold on. My new best friend and, ummm, roommate, Ali says there's a knock on the door.




OK. OK. So. I don't really speak Serbo-Bulgarian very well. But evidently I am to wrap up this section and get on with the rest of the war news. So...let's move on.









What Are We Gonna Do Now?

After sobering up, err, waking up, err, bothering to log in, err, umm, well, anyway. On Tuesday or so I reached out to several of our well-informed supremos for some inside scoop on this latest round of hostilities and asked 'em what are we gonna do now? I told 'em no man born with a living soul can be working for the clampdown, right? That we gotta kick over a wall, maybe cause some governments to fall?

Of course I give away no secrets. Here's what I learned.


My dear friend and confidante, President Kody affirmed that we need to let fury have the hour, that anger can be power. Then pointed out that, just as Vasil Levski went all around Serbia, Romania and Bulgaria organizing every kind of resistance to the Ottomans, so we must continually harass the Croat foe, weakening them wherever we can, or at least draining their strength by any means necessary, both militarily and diplomatically.

As I noted above -- perhaps with some vagueness -- Pres. Kody pointed out that the Croats have bases all of the world and therefore there are many targets where we can harass them. The strategic goal would be to reduce or eliminate their presence in various parts of the world, including our common Balkan homeland of course.



The gracious and eloguent Herr Vootmans, titular head of the Asteria Alliance and former Honcho of the Murkins, was a bit shorter with me. I don't mean to say that he is shorter than me. That's just an impression people often get due to the awesome power of my butt-rockets.

In his comments, the Vootz pointed out that our eternal friends -- Serbia-Bulgaria-Romania -- that is, the very heartland of the immortal apostle of Freedom, were viciously attacked last week in a nine-pronged pincer move by Croatianian, Hungry, Chilly, Greecy, Turkey-flavored, as well as French, Rio Platenese and Shqipërical forces. We were honor-bound to come to the defense the Romanian cores, which we did by attacking Hungary.

Our fighting has angered the Croatian Imperialists, to be sure, and there were (and likely will be more) counter-attacks against our brave Murikan boys and girls, driving us back from the Hungarish lands. But we can and should be very proud of having smacked Hungary around, which allowed Romanio-Serbo-Bulgaro fighters to win regions back in their cores.








How to Play HAVOC

My favorite little militia, the Bear Cavalry (BC), isn't the biggest or the most powerful. But we do punch above our weight pretty often. And we have a super-awesome logo:


I expect the Bears' fighting capacity is due mostly to our relentless training in ving tsun and to our deep ideological commitment to Osmany Ramon Thought. But now that I think about it, I suppose the tireless work of our commanders, Shiloh13 and hcmadman, may have something to do with it too.


As it happened, I was relaxing the other day up at our secret retreat on Bear Mountain, just hanging out in the Josh Mahurin Memorial Gazebo, when I heard Commander Shiloh's bike roaring up the path. I saw him rounding the last bend, picking off some varmint on his trail.



After he settled in a bit, I asked him about a game we like to play in the BC we call "HAVOC". It's a fun game that keeps us entertained during times of active war, but when there isn't a clear-cut real-war battle going on.

Shiloh reminisced in between puffs on the giant-sized Max Rontgen Memorial Hookah.

"HAVOC missions started when we were wiped by CODE. We were in a jam, having a difficult time RW'ing our regions back. It was frustrating.

"Voots was CP. He said we should start messing with the CODE training wars. So we did.

"You remember how a bunch of us liked the 'Men of Mayhem' theme from that 'Sons of Anarchy' show, right? Somehow that morphed into 'HAVOC'. You know the BC likes doing things outside the norm so we embraced it fully. Anything we could do to make life miserable for the invaders -- we were into. We went into the wild blue yonder, engaging in air battles and some ground to turn TW walls the wrong way or to grab SH medals.

"Was it successful? Judging by some of the hate mail we got... maybe yes.

"We bounced around to whatever enemy country was being the most annoying. Hungary was at the receiving end of a lot of it. Once an enemy country retreated from our cores we ended our missions against them and moved on the next target.

"It was tons of fun. And as you know there's not much fun to be had when you're wiped.

"And that's how we became kind of a marauding motorcyle gang let loose upon our enemies, with no rules. Or decency. LOL. In times of war you do what you have to to survice and to harass the enemy. So we did."





And that's all the war news that fits for today.
Until next time, remember: Live Like Василъ!

xio, PQ