The House Of The Rising Pun: Congress Elections and Fresh Drama

Day 4,750, 15:06 • Published in United Kingdom Turkey • by Pontefract

- eUK getting set to vote in Congressional Elections.

- Sources indicate collaboration may be a future possibility for PCP.

- Drama in eUK as Wingfield launches attack on country No.1 Alfa.

- Sir Humphrey Appleby, Country President, decries 'demotivator'.
By Pontefract
As the eUK prepares to go to the polls ahead of the Congressional Elections, sources indicated that the Pirate Cat Party may stand to benefit from future collaboration with, as of yet, unnamed parties.

One high level source stated it was time to show that 'yeah, we take the p*** sometimes but actually we have legitimate ideas.'

'Im[sic] not saying who a couple of us are talking to. But its[sic] not something that would happen for a while.' This secrecy ingites suspicion. In typical PCP style, however, The Pun's extremely expensive investigatory unit found that one other high level source had no knowledge of these discussion. 'Dunno, sounds dumb', they said. 'They better not be screwing around without talking to harambe first.'

The identity of these future potential collaborators also raises questions. Realistically, this can only have been two people in the PCP speaking to one person in either the Goat Save the Queen party or a smaller party.

The Pun's conclusion? Nothing could even possibly happen until everyone else knows it's happening. This is almost certainly a bit of larping.

Fight! Fight! Fight! No - not for them!

Dramatic gossip of the trashiest kind erupted on the Country Feed yesterday afternoon as Wingfield lambasted Alfa publicly.

'He fought against the eUK in an attack on our capital. The[sic] is not the action of a good citizen. He then fought for us just enough to secure the Battle Hero Medal before switching sides and winning their medal as well and ensuring that we lost' said Wingfield, speaking exclusively to The Pun.

'Alfa and his cronies are selfish anti-social credit card-wielding warlords who pay no regard to the needs and wishes of our community and just operate as medal farmers, at the expense of their fellow citizens' Wingfield fumed.

'If Alfa fought consistently for us, we would be less at the mercy of alliances carving up our country, leaving us only Training Wars. However, by taking all the medals, fellow citizens do not really benefit from the TWs anyway.'

Alfa calmly dismissed these accusations. 'Wingfield is just dude [sic] that pops into one battle a day, unleashes a miniscule amount of damage to try steal a medal then whines like a b**** when he doesn't get it.'

Even opposing the term 'accusations', the former PCP Party President continued, 'An accusation is a charge or 'rule breaking' or other illegal behaviour in which case it would be a case for admin/mods if such a thing were indeed the case. What you have is a set of opinions based on individualistic moralising of what eRepublik norms should be.'

'This is often the cause of dispute between the two parties as they can best be described as the those who seek to build an illusory structure upon the game to allow them to indulge in roleplaying and those who take the game as it is, a rather basic point and click battlefield with some tacked on additional modules.'

The President / Prime Minster / Chief Apple Lad, Sir Humphrey Appleby himself threw himself, not into the fray, but rather into a dark corner nearby, arms folded and a frown deepening his stately brow.

In a world exclusive statement to The Pun, the CP, asked about whether he sympathised with Wingfield's position, said 'It would be hard not to really. Whether this is personal animosity towards 'us' after the liberation campaign, or just to troll the eUK in general, he [Alfa] has been pissing about again and I can't blame wingfield for being a bit cross about it.'

'As a demotivator it's quite successful and wastes time and energy that could be spent on these events rather than probing for more ways to bugger things up.'

The CP didn't stop there. 'However this is not our first rodeo with him throwing his toys out of the pram,' he continued. 'I'd have hoped losing the liberation campaign 0-110 would've shown him how fed up the eUK is of it.'

A furious Alfa, however, in yet another exclusive for The Pun, fought back, slamming the eUK establishment: 'How demotivational is it to see the same decade old players continually running for PP and CP? The same gang of buddies being selected for ministerial positions regardless of how sh** and uninterested in the job they are?'

'Example: Last Bank of England report on the nations finances
erepublik.com/en/article/2701842
Date: 3rd of August 2019
Signed off by the then CP and Mo£, who in a bizarre set of circumstances are the same as we have today,' he continued furiously.

'A media landscape decimated by all but Keithypoo's election news which can otherwise be accessed by clicking on a different eRep page?'

Ahem. Bit rude.

'The same lack of programs with any imagination and adoption for local circumstances rather then a copy-paste of what that nation over there look to be doing and having some success with?'

'Luckily I find the motivation and passion to keep playing by monkeying around on the battlefield (and the economy although that's rather basic),' he said.

The eUK No.1 concluded by hitting a dire note regarding the state of roleplay within the community: 'Quite what keeps the political RPers still clicking is a mystery to me as they show no passion for that side of it. It used to be that my tendencies for chaos could be constrained by the moderate voices in my party if not a grudging respect for 'that lot' and their effort to generate content.'

'But the weight of evidence shows that they don't care anymore and thus the balance is lost.'

It can only be hoped, dear reader, that some form of balance between the warring parties can be found. After all, further drama would only fuel our readership and we certainly wouldn't want that.

Certacito: An Apology

It is of the utmost shame to our fine and filthy tabloid that we made an unforgiveable error in the last edition of The Pun. Next to a quote of Certacito ('Bollucks!') we proceeded to write '[sic]' as is standard practice for a quote containing a spelling or grammatical error. Naturally, we assumed he meant 'Bollocks'. However, Certacito actually meant it in the West Country derivation, which Certacito describes as 'literally a cry of "I’ll be back!"'. As a regional (Yorkshire) based paper, such disregard to regional dialects, accents and slang disgusts us. The Pun has, in retribution, fired four interns and will provide terrible references. We hope this goes some way to make up for this unforgiveable crime. The Pun apologises to Certacito.

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