[DoI] Important information is Important

Day 4,573, 14:25 Published in USA USA by USA Department of the Interior

Department of the Interior's office


Day 20
Still stuck in the 'DoI office' which is just Tyler's basement. I've only been let out twice, and they haven't cleaned my bucket in weeks. It smells bad.

As a sick joke, they started feeding me burritos instead of tacos, which I told them is my diet exclusively. This is an outrage. I demand to speak to the manager at once!

Day 21
They put a bag over my head and drag me off somewhere, it smells like potatoes in the bag, which is odd but ok. I'm settled into what I'm pretty sure is Tyler's stretch hummer limo by force. I say nothing as I don't want to get the spankings again.

We drive for what seemed like 2 hours, occasionally someone would fart, and it was gross, whoever it was really needed to check their diet. Once we stopped, I heard 3 doors open then close. After what has to have been at least 10 minutes, someone opens my door and drags me out of the car via my ear, and we head into the building. I am sat at what I gather is a table and tied to a chair. Someone really has a fetish with tying me to chairs, as it happens like twice a week. Again, some times passes, and I hear what must be half a dozen people pull out chairs from the table and sit down. I stay quiet as I do not wish to have my bum bum spanked as per usual.

"Hello, Taco" said a strange voice.
"Hello?" I reply, confused as all hell.
"I bet you wonder why we brought you here today," He said again.
"Tyler? Is that you?" I ask.
"Shut up! You don't ask the questions, we do!" Said someone who sounded a lot like SColbert.
"Yes, master." I reply, submissively.
"We heard you complained about the burritos you've been served as of late," Tyler said calmly.
"Well, its just.." I reply unable to finish
"No, there is no 'just.' Those burritos were made with love by Melissa. It's inexcusable that you would just complain about being offered such succulent burritos." Tyler interjected
"I didn't say they were not good, I just prefer tacos, my lord." I said quietly.

The butler, which happens to be Paul Protus in a maid costume, walks in with one of those fancy silver plate things with a cover. I don't know what they are called, i'm used to eating out of Tupperware, and sets it down in front of me. Tyler then instructs Paul to remove the potato bag from my head. As the bag is removed, I'm blinded by the gorgeous crystal chandelier above a beautiful custom made wood kitchen table inside the formal dining-room of the super mansion we bought using tax dollars. It's really lovely, it has 18 bedrooms, 16 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, and a beautiful swimming pool. I'm never allowed here, so, honestly, I am just happy they let me in here, even though I am tied up at the moment. After I catch my bearings and take inventory of everyone here, spiderman bursts through the window and shoots Paul with an AK-47.

"That's unfortunate. Who is going to warm the couch in the break room now?" said xRTz
"Nevermind that, xRTz, that's not important. Please remove the cover of the plate thing for Taco," Tyler said, still unnervingly calm.
xRTz followed directions and removed the lid to reveal a 4-pound beef and bean burrito with lettuce, tomato, sour cream, extra cheese, and chili.

PigInZen whispers into my ear, "You do know no one is going to read an article this long, right? You're wasting your time."

I stare at the burrito for a little while then look at Melissa. "Did you make this?"
"Yes, and it has a secret ingredient. You'll find out later." Melissa replies, smiling.
Tyler then instructs, "You must eat the entire burrito as we watch, and explain how much you are enjoying it. "
"How am I supposed to eat the burrito while tied to this chair, and also, where are my pants?" I said, now looking down at my overly white legs.
"Ralph had us remove them on your way in. Something about pants = penis prison." Wilker informed me.
"ah," I said.
A Roomba comes out of nowhere and pushes Paul's body out of the way. Fairly impressive for a little robot.
Tyler then tells me, after we wall watched the Roomba push Paul's lifeless body away with great intrigue, "You can eat without your hands. It's more fun that way."
"Unless you want more bum bum spankings," Wilker said quickly.

I began eating the burrito with my face hole.

"Yum. It's delicious." I say, looking deep into Melissa's eyes.
"HOW GOOD?" Dinnyin yells.
"Shh!" Rainy said while looking at Dinnyin, angry like "I have a headache!"
I ignore that, as I am scared of Rainy.
I continue eating the burrito. It's not as good as a taco, but it isn't bad.
"Aren't you all going to eat?" I ask, mouth full of meat.
"Watching you eat is all I need," Tyler says, licking his lips.
"Please don't make this weird, I am never invited to the cabinet orgys," I ask.

After I finish, Cthulhu comes in and collects the plate and wipes my mouth with a napkin.

I then wonder to myself how much trouble I am going to get into for writing this.

That though disappears quicks as strippers enter the room.

Soon after the strippers begin dancing, Herr Vootsman tases me with a standard-issue 50,000-volt taser gun and puts the potato bag back over my head. They drag me by my feet back into Tyler's hummer limo and leave me in the hot weather while they enjoy the entertainment.

All in all, it was a great day! That's the most anyone has talked to me in a month! I had a blast, so I'd like to thank everyone who was there from the bottom of my heart for the attention





Here are our winners from the last competition:

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
1st place: 25,000cc - DardiX
2nd place: 10,000cc - Melissa Rose
3rd place: 5,000cc - Ralph Ericson
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

For reading this, everyone that comments below will get $1000cc!



Thank you,
Secretary of the Interior
KingTaco


Useful links:
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eUSA forums - https://eusaforums.com/forum/index.php
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TW map - http://www.eusadoi.com/DOI/map
Guns and Butter - tinyurl.com/gunsnbutter
GIMP - http://tinyurl.com/eUSA-GIMP
DoI Food Assistance Program - http://www.eusadoi.com/DOI/usfood