Join the new world

Suck it in lads because this is a very rare occasion indeed.

There was an update prior to this one that unfortunately was deleted within 20 minutes of its publication. To this day there has been no explanation or justification for this but to whoever reported it and whatever jobsworth mod deleted it I would like to take a moment to say this:

*ahem*

Grow up, grow a pair and get a life. You're subhuman scum and I've met invertebrates with more backbone than you.

*spits on ground*

It's been a good while since the CP's org paper garnered Famous Points so at least I've achieved something this term. o7



Y'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

Tis I, CptChazbeard, scourge of the non-existent seas of eRepublik and the most handsome and feared pirate within his own house...oh wait someone else has just walked in...second most! handsome and feared pirate within these four walls!

I'm here to bring you a mind-numbingly dull and wordy update simply because I've been on a train pirate ship for six 1/2 hours weeks with little better to do! Y'aaargh

Seriously though. Apologies for the lack of update since the deleted one, there has been little in the way of excitement and I very reluctantly handed over RW time screaming duties to Jiminy after walking into the MoD office to see him rocking back and forth with “All play no work makes Jiminy a dull boy” written on the walls in what I assume/hope was chocolate sauce. It was all I had to do myself!

Anyhoos!





Once again we had the absolute privilege of playing a game of “Where Will Bulgaria Attack Next?” which, being truthful here, I quite enjoy because when it goes wrong it at least gives me something to do for five minutes.

Of course random raids on North West of England have become so frequent now that it's merely met with a roll of the eyes and we all know the drill. However over the weekend a curve ball was thrown by Serbia also attacking out of sequence in tandem with Bulgaria.

Being the ever calm and patient CP I've always been I hurried to the bunker, shot my dog, wrote a letter blaming WookieO for everything and was just about to bite down on my cyanide capsule when the phone rang.

“Hello, Madame FiFi's Torture Dungeon, Chaz speaking...”

It was Bulgaria and Serbia returning our earlier telegram of “Look, whatever Ireland have done now it's nothing to do with us!”.

The Bulgarian CP is a bit green abound the gills and genuinely believed that NWoE was a part of their allotted training warzone, after attacking it so many times one is inclined to believe this. Independent of this exchange their MoD got in contact immediately after the battle opened to assure us this was a mistake. Good lads.

In regards to Serbia it's far simpler to explain...their CP was in the process of getting drunk and simply forgot to open the battle. Auto-attack being the ever wicked mistress she is decided to attack the only possible region that would have caused us any issues.

I shan't bore you with all the ifs, buts, maybes and possible scenarios but instead would like to acknowledge our training war partners for their continued co-operation not only when things are going well but also when they don't. Cheers!

Praise must once again be given to JiminyChristmas who is as reliable as ever in immediately reacting to any given situation and holding the walls especially in D1-3.

Though I am loathe to single out individuals I think it warrants mentioning the efforts of our two newest citizens – Rusty D and Cat Sith – who greatly assisted seeing us over the line when it was getting near squeaky bum time.

The predominate reason I don't like to wax lyrical about individuals is because this is a team effort. Even if you're not winning the gold and bagging the shiny medals that all the girls go crazy about showing up and fighting where and when is necessary is always greatly appreciated. Yer doing yer bit for yer country!

Likewise once again we managed to hold off opening the scheduled RW in East of England...not a single eUKer supported the RW until the all clear was given. Not one. Miraculous!

Cheers Lads!

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Assuming there will be further rounds of “Guess Who's Attacking Where” there are two new protocols to be aware of:

Scenario 1 – Bulgaria take NWoE and block the eNL attack

In this circumstance eNL will instead hit Yorkshire & Humberside to avoid venturing into the Serb-UK warzone. We have had no issues with the Netherlands thus far and I don't believe there to be a risk to Y&H based producers.



Scenario 2 – Serbia take Northern Ireland & are RW'd out of SEoE/EoE/London

We will try and avoid this scenario but should it happen then Serbia now has another border with us in SEoE through Picardy & North Calais in France so it's not as big a deal as it was. The biggest issue would be the closing of the Ire-UK TW but that could easily be resumed after NI is liberated.

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I was starting to believe I made this up in my head but was reminded again that this is still open. It is however reliant on some sides with opposing ideals striking a happy medium; the likelihood of which is seemingly growing ever further improbable.

To put this into context the first wave of negotiations started at the close of the last term, now involves at least 7 countries and there has been literally hundreds of back and forths over the matter.

Needless to say you will be informed the second the hypothetical becomes a reality.

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Mad Pauly's investigation into 'What it is That the Home Affairs Department Does' is going really well and we have allotted him yet another 400k payment to buy essential silks and furs from Harrod's as apparently presentation is everything. It amazes me that congress hasn't questioned any of these payments this term.

I did ask for maybe a little bit of an insight into the investigation and he said “...maybe Citizenship comes under Home Affairs? F**ked if I know”. So with that being the case...



Aleksander V. Popovic's - aka Kaiser Theodore – recent citizenship application split congress almost down the middle and had it not over lapped congresses we may well have had him begging us all for food right now.

The fact it was so tight in the voting makes for an excellent benchmark as to the level of lunatic we are willing to let into Chazbeard Island.

After the Popovic vote we had another former eUKer – eRep Reporter aka Hilary Clinton – attempting to cross the channel on a banana boat. Congress unanimously voted against his re-admittance and rushed to the shore to burn rainbow flags and pelt him with rocks. This weapons grade nutter presents the extreme end of the scale.

So without further ado here is the Popovic Scale, a visual aid to help congressmen decide whether they let a player in or not:

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Some of the more attentive would have noticed that the two latest members of eUK society – Rusty D and Cat Sith - have both arrived from eIreland. I'd like to reassure citizens that they are merely having a break from Irish politics at present and are not here to plot the downfall of the eUK. That said however please keep a keen eye out for any 'United Ireland' graffiti and report it to your local Gestapo officer immediately.

Likewise they have both joined the Pirate Cat Party and one has Cat in her name...again there is no conspiracy going on here they just chose to join the greatest party in the eUK. The Pirate Cat Party are not letting in their mates to bolster the party numbers!

On that note if congress could please let in the following players who should be applying for citizenship this week that will be greatly appreciated! All good lads and I personally vouch for them.

- Pirate McPirateCat
- Long John Kittywhiskers
- Bloody Cat Paws The Demon PTOer

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Still relevant to citizenship I was dismayed this week when the Minister of Foreign Affairs recklessly accepted a citizenship proposal before mongress had time to properly dither over it. The eUK government can not be seen to condone such brash actions and as such the difficult decision was taken to remove Sir Humphrey from his post.

In reality – and I hope he doesn't mind me saying this – but I haven't wanted to burden Sir Humphrey with anything of late as his mind is on far more pressing matters. Regardless of this he has remained an active and committed member of the eUK and put his heart and soul into numerous terms throughout the year, setting a very high standard for others to aspire to.

It's often a thankless task putting so much effort into our online community so to anyone reading this, eUK or otherwise, raise a glass and give three cheers to Sir Humphrey! Here's to the future laddie!

Alas there is still a job to be done and we are increasingly becoming embroiled in an interesting geopolitical situation. The best candidate for the MoFA needs to ideally be active, multilingual, slightly evil, not too serious and, above all else, willing to vote yes to random Welcome Message changes. As such Florence Without Machine has been appointed MoFA for the remainder of the term.

Too all foreigners I have p*ssed off/will p*ss off please direct your mail to their inbox in future.

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As ever Huey toils away in the background number crunching until his fingers are mere bloody pulps to keep the cogs of the eUK's financial machine turning and my retirement fund looking ever rosier.

When I was handed the poisoned chalice that is the eUK presidency I put any plans for schemes etc (basically spending eUK cash) on hold as the ulterior motive for the Hot Summer event seemed to be to remove cash from the game and the reintroduction of Campaign Orders taxed at 10% (which is removed from the economy i.e. goes into the air) seems to lend further credence to this paranoia.

In other words if the eUK had say 10mCC sitting in its accounts it could buy us far more in the near future if wages, weapon prices etc were to fall after the event.

Whilst the event is still ongoing it remains nigh on impossible to grasp what the overall impact will be. As players hit more frequently to hoover up the additional gold food prices are perhaps artificially high...with so much gold produced throughout could a company sales promotion after the event lead to an over supply of weapons and send their prices crashing?

There's a lot to speculate here but the proof will be in the pudding. As the event (finally) is drawing to a close Huey will be looking into the economic impact it has had thus far – if any at all – and if we're all good the new...well delayed...schemes will kick off.

Who knows whether eLife will return to normal afterwards. Will aviation rounds go back to a singular ones after every third tank round? I haven't a clue, I'm not one of the nutters behind the decisions made in this game. Regardless we'll just reassess then.

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Aside from the usual shouting in game feeds and messages the eUK telegram channel is a great way to get up to date information and ask questions besides general lunacy. There's usually at least one attentive eUK minister in attendance at all times!

We have random theme nights which usually consists of just myself doing something in the hope others join in but that person could be you!

You can use it on PC, mobile and tablet (it will require a download and registration if you haven't done so already). If you're interested just click here and presumably some voodoo will occur whereby you sign up!

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As any eUKer worth their salt knows there is something known as the 'Hue-Train' both in game and on telegram. Basically when Frag says “Hue” all eUKers and any visitors should say “Hue” in reply. Recently this has been open to abuse but luckily in my library I have found the original set of rules and we should adhere to them.

1) The Hue-Train May Only Be Started By Frag
Frag, the original Hue-er, is the only person who may start a Hue-Train. All others are merely toy trains not worthy of consideration.

2) The Hue-Train Should Not Be Requested
Frag is a magnificent wild animal charging around an open field Hueing and chasing battle hero snipers. To request a Hue from him reduces him merely to a caged beast in a zoo, this man should be allowed to roam free and Hueing in the wild when he pleases.

3) Only Frag May Derail a Hue-Train
Unless there is some sort of crisis then a Hue-Train is only to be disrupted by Frag himself. Interestingly though ye olde rules state that if 45minutes has passed without a Hue it is assumed there has been a signal failure and the Hue-Train is delayed indefinitely. In this circumstance anyone can speak.

4) The President Is An Upholder of The Law...Not Above It
Any future presidents should bear this in mind. Unless there is a legitimate crisis you must adhere to the above rules and throw plastic chairs at anyone who breaks the rules.

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That's all folks!

Seriously though other than the monotony of circular negotiations and shouting the odd thing there hasn't been that much of interest. On this note I am just going to go all pirate again and do as I please. Expect random welcome message changes and the eUK Grand National will return over the weekend!

Hugs n Kisses
Chaz xxx