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Hello Fellow eCitizens,

Couple of days back I was going about on my regular troll trips across the eWorld when I came across someone whom I instantly recognized. This person was all over the news and shouts in eIndia over the last few days when the Party President (PP) elections were taking place. The gentleman goes by the name of h******k and was originally a citizen of eTurkey, though at the time of the PP elections he was a citizen of eIndia.

Given my excellent presence of mind, I seized the opportunity and decided to interview him and gain his insight on the PTO (Political Take Over) attempt. At first he was reluctant to talk with an eIndian journalist of such repute but then I won over his reluctance using my strong convincing power. Here are the key excerpts from the face-to-face interview:

Please note: For the sake of the interview, I have used the liberty to address h******k as Mr. H

xordin (smiling): Thank you very much Mr. H for taking out time from your busy schedule and giving me this opportunity to interview a celebrity such as yourself

Mr. H (smiling): Oh! Not at all! It good to be interviewed as it also gives us the opportunity to present our side of the story on the PTO attempt as well.

xordin (no expression): First of all I would like to congratulate you on garnering 33.7% of the votes in the IWP party president elections. I think nobody in eIndia expected that. What was your strategy and plan for this phenomenal achievement?

Mr. H (mumbles something, then coughs): Well our strategy was very simple and clear. My colleagues and I devised an ingenious plan to hand out some freebies to all eIndian citizens and some citizens that had just acquired citizenship. My colleagues then painstakingly messaged each and every one of them with our proposal.

(Mr. H reaches out for the glass of water, then drinks)

xordin (straight faced): That looks like a very promising strategy, but still you didn’t emerge victorious. What went wrong?

Mr. H (sweat beads appearing, clears throat): Look, everything was going fine. Through our strategy we were able to win many votes and we were leading throughout the day. But in the final stages couple of things went haywire. Firstly, we did not realize that eIndia had such a huge population. We were doling out freebies quite freely and eventually ran out (sighs). Secondly, we were fooled by the level of co-ordination and unity in your nation. We thought we could buy votes and win but I think it’s the spirit of nationalism that defeated us. We were totally swept by the overwhelming number of votes for true eIndians leading to our shocking defeat.

(xordin hands Mr. H a handkerchief, Mr. H wipes his face)

xordin (no expression): So what lessons did you guys learn (if you did) from this incident?

Mr. H (smiling sheepishly): We did learn a few lessons actually. First of all, never to question the collective might of eIndia. We thought we were facing a nation divided on opinion and lack of co-ordination and by our populist measures we would be able to gain their confidence. But we soon realized national pride cannot be bought or bargained. Second, we have realized the importance of hard work. Had we worked hard like the actual citizens of eIndia, then maybe we could have succeeded. Thirdly, we now have immense admiration for eIndia. You guys are the most strong-willed, smart and intelligent people we have come across. We aspire to be just as you people, but I don’t think we are capable enough.

xordin (enquiringly): So what are your plans now after this humiliating defeat at the hands of true eIndians?

Mr. H (low voice): I moved back to my native country immediately after the defeat. I with my friends plan to grow bananas there for the export market. We would have never known the potential had we not visited eIndia. You see, bananas constitute a major staple food crop for millions of people in developing countries. In most tropical countries, green (unripe) bananas used for cooking represent the main cultivars. Bananas are cooked in ways that are similar to potatoes. Both can be fried, boiled, baked, or chipped and have similar taste and texture when served. One banana provides about the same calories as one potato. We plan to de-potatoise the world and banana-ise it. Hopefully, we will have support of eIndia in this.

xordin: Well, Mr. H you will have to speak to the higher-ups in eIndia about it. Time is running out now so I would like to thank you for this interview and for sharing your insights. Hopefully you will succeed in your mission to banana-ise the world.

Mr. H (looking happy now): Hopefully, we will!

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END OF INTERVIEW

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