Join the new world

Greetings boys and girls, it is I, the Wisebeardman (Manly. Bearded. Relatively Wise.) speaking to you through the medium of my new publication, the Five O'Clock Shadow.

But wait, I know exactly what you are thinking. In the back of your inferior shaven scalp you're thinking, 'Who is this handsome brigand? What is his obsession with beards? What does he stand for? Where does he come from? Is he dangerous? He looks dangerous. Is he going to kill me and leave my body in a bin?'

Well, my friends, you have questions, Wisebeardman has answers. I am the Wisebeardman, I am the sum of all that has been, and all that will be. No one knows where I came from or why, but legend tells that years ago, in a land long forgotten, upon a mountain top barely remembered, a perfect beard was formed, forged from the fires of some distant volcano and the hair from a Shetland pony. Around this beard, a man slowly developed and when he was fully formed, he proceeded to meditate upon that mountaintop. Years and decades crawled by. Wisebeardman grew in strength, and wisdom.

Soon a murmur started to creep through local villages about Wisebeardman on the mountain top. Some were curious, many were afraid. They feared this being would sweep down upon them in a flurry of facial hair and violence, leaving their corpses mutilated and furry by the riverside.

And yet when the Wisebeardman appeared, all was well. He came down from the mountaintop and lotus flowers blossomed where his feet once tread. The people gathered and Wisebeardman spoke. The people asked Wisebeardman why he had come. Wisebeardman responded, 'to teach you the ways of the wise beard,' and the people stood in shock. They asked, 'What is the way of the beard?' And Wisebeardman replied, 'Pineapples.'

'Pineapples?' said the people.
'Pineapples and palindromes,' said the Wisebeardman.

Of course, this is but a legend.

Modern scholars and researchers have ventured into uncharted forests and delved deep into the hottest deserts to uncover artefacts to explain the Wisebeardman. Their search concluded with the discovery of the 'The Un-Shaven Scrolls' , which relate a tale about how the Wisebeardman was the one who prevented the great flood, soaking up the floodwaters with his impeccable facial hair. Later, he taught Jesus the art of a fine, well-kept beard and allowed Renaissance scholars to use his image as a model when painting God (Morgan Freeman was not pleased). And, in a great shock to the scientific community of the eWorld, the scrolls reveal that Wisebeardman is the oldest living Communist, having been the greatest influence on Marx, for obvious reasons.

Wisebeardman has come, now, to eRepublik in order to bestow upon this great world the complex art of beard care and hygiene while helping to promote Communism, the only political theory to develop from the way of the beard. Unlike other political theories, Communism does not perpetuate the anti-beard, pro-shaven agenda which has been the cause of so much oppression.