A New Paper for These Sexy Times We Live In

Day 329, 15:21 • Published in South Africa Sweden • by Jizzie McGuire

Welcome all to The Sexy Times! Sick of all the political fighting and backstabbing? Tired of being told what to do by Commies, Capitalists and Croats? Do you need advice or have any questions regarding all things sexy? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then The Sexy Times is for you.
 
Sexy Times writer, creator and editor, Jizzie McGuire, is here to answer all your questions and write about all things hot and sexy. Just send a pm to Jizzie with your sexy question and he will answer those that are not too nasty in The Sexy Times. Be anonymous or not - Jizzie will respect your privacy if that is your want. However, Jizzie also has a busy life, so don't despair if he can't get to your question right away. Just remember - let's keep things as clean as possible. I know that's not very sexy, but the Jizz can't afford to be banned again.
 
Since I don't have any questions to address as of yet, this week's article is just an introduction to eSouth Africa's new sexy paper from the BLF's very own Minister of Sexy. But to kick things off I would like to address a couple of issues.
 
The first issue is this: why is Deus Ex the president of the BLF and why should he replace Zocky as president of eSouth Africa? I think you already know the answer to that... because he is sexy, of course! Just look at his avatar with its Schwarzenegger/Van Damme blend of Germanic ubersexiness. How can one not be turned on by that Nordic god? But what about our current president Zocky, you say? Well how old is he? 12 or something? That's not very sexy. In fact, if you think that is sexy, you are probably a sexual predator, which is the ultimate in un-sexy. And with a name like Zocky, how could he be all that sexy? Sure, some may see him as their "beloved", but even the ugliest children are beautiful in the eyes of their mothers.
 
The other issue came to me from my good friend Rico Suave. He mentioned that since eSouth Africa will soon be facing a population shortage, all forms of sodomy and sexy time foreplay should be banned in eSouth Africa so that not one drop of man-seed goes to waste. With all due respect to Mr. Suave, I must strongly disagree with this proposal. All forms of sexy time are beneficial to the participants, and since many guys just can't last long before having a sexy time explosion, this law will be particularly harsh on the ladies - without whom there would be no sexy time for those men who are not homosexuals. So, for the ladies' sake Mr. Suave, let's not go down the road that will end with unsatisfactory sexy time for them.
 
Thank you all for reading this first issue of The Sexy Times. Please vote and subscribe!