A New Challenger Appears! Romania Held For Ransom!!
Day 1,155, 14:22
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Published in Romania 
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by
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by Erwin Schauman
..................................BEGINNING TRANSMISSION..................................
Good evening, citizens of Romania
Do not attempt to adjust your TV screens. We are now in control of the transmission. Aren't we, Mr. Fluffy? Yes, we are! *pets his Pygmy Marmoset familiar*
Where was I.. oh, yes. My name is Erwin von Schauman, and I'll be your host for the next few minutes.
I deeply apologize for interrupting the regular broadcast of Gossip Girl. I assure you that you can soon return to watch your decadent western shows, depicting the lives of hunky newcomers and incredibly slutty bikini babes that have casual sex with anything that possesses two legs, ranging from chickens to ladders.
But before I'll allow you to return to your mind numbing entertainment, I have a small announcement to make...
Transylvania has been the cause of a long and bloody feud between the nations of Romania and Hungary. Both nations claim it for their own, causing suffering to the peasantry living in the region.
Due to controversies arising from the issue, I've decided to... relieve both nations from this terrible burden, and claim the land for myself.
From now on Transylvania will be known as the Despotic Kingdom of Draconia, and I shall act as its benevolent arch-tyrant!
Proposed flag of the Despotic Kingdom of Draconia
Queue evil music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH_CackdB0M
High up in the Transylvanian mountains lies my stronghold– the unconquerable, sinister Castle Dracus! Its dark presence casts a long shadow on the poverty ridden lands and its citizens. From its throne room I rule the realm with an iron fist, bringing prosperity to our people and despair to our enemies!
My legions of trained cyborg Marmosets and loyal peasant henchmen guard the borders of Draconia. Any attempts to invade our lands will be met with deadly force. Opposition will be brutally suffocated by marmoset love and then ripped apart by millions of tiny claws.
As an additional security measure, I've taken the liberty to place 50 megaton tactical nuclear devices under all major cities in Romania and Hungary. Should either one take any hostile action towards Draconia... well, lets just say that you no longer need to use safety reflectors during the night.
The Iron Throne of Castle Dracu
And what kind of super villain would I be if I didn't kidnap at least one girl and hold her for ransom?
A very bad one, obviously.
Therefore, I wish to inform the Romanian government that I've taken your lovely Minister of Foreign Affairs, Soimu Patriei, as hostage.
She will be my privileged guest in the Castle Dracu and no harm will come to her, as long as you agree to pay me the ransom of...
*places his pinky at the corner of his mouth*
ONE MILLION TRILLION LEI!!!
You have 3 days to comply with my demands. If the money hasn't been transferred to my account after the three days have passed, I am afraid she'll face a fate worse than death – I'll force her to marry me!
BWAHAHAHA!
And if any meddling heroes try to-- Fluffy! Stop chewing those cords! We'll lose connec--
..........................................TRANSMISSION ENDED..........................................
-Erwin von Schauman
Minister of Foreign Affairs, Finland
Minister of Marmoset Affairs, Romania
His Lordship King of Moldova
Arch-tyrant of Draconia
High Priest of Perkele
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Comments
dude "me" like you 😁
i'm not a subscriber for nothing!
Go far.. catch balls
"bikini babes that have casual sex with anything that possesses two legs, ranging from chickens to ladders." Priceless
Soimu Patrie a SHE? wtf 😁
that's madness!!!!!
that kind of money doesn't even exist.
+1 for "the spy who shagged me" reference.
also, no major cities in hungry, bcoz the gobi desert has no cities.
therefore, no deal! but you can keep soimu patriei. we're cool.
@stelu: da, e o ea.
In order to keep your promise, that no harm will come to me, I should let you know what I need to be kept safe from harm:
1. Unlimited shoe-shopping money!
2. Bed-time stories
3. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed!
Otherwise, i'll go insane.
yaaay.... marmosets are so much cooler to have as guardian than wolves and bats
nobody knows how evil they really are
What a bloody article.
nooo..not my Gossip Girl !!
I kind of wish you actually made a video : D
THIS
IS
ERWIN
Erwin is absolutely good writer. You should write more, man!
I absolutely support Erwin. You should make him a President.
Erwin is absolutely good writer. You should write more, man! x infinity. :😁
Erwin, the best Marmoset ever!: )
Hail Erwin !
Beware, kind Arch-tyrant of Draconia and else!
On these lands the woman is referred to as "Dracu' gol!" (ask for a translation to your *cough* hostage).
Look no further than at her requests: 2 out of 3 are solid proof that you're in serious danger.
You've been warned...
Soimu Patrie is a SHE?
😮
tactical mega vote : )
Oh Noes.
Erwin : All I can say is : run while you still can😒
release our kestrel, you bloody tyrant or the city of Cluj will riot at his full power!
or don't release her and buy me a beer - I will keep Cluj forever silent and faithful to your majestic Lordsip's will.
deal or deal?
muhahahhahahhaha.....If you came here you are doomed! Agriculture will eat you for breakfast! 😉
@Alter Dio: We have an accord.
However, the name Alter Dio is not suitable for the right hand man of a super villain. You need to come up with a better one. And I warn you that if you wont do it, I'll give the name myself. Alpho is forever known as Diaper Boy-Man due to his mistake.
Also, she's putting up flower curtains in my castle of ultimate evil!!
And Teo is known as Farm Boy
ursuuu
pay the god damn money, Romanians!!!
"My legions of trained cyborg Marmosets"
Aha!!! Now we know how the ministry's budget is spent.
No more candy for you mister!!!
v
s
vote and sub mine too, please
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/pontius-pilate-unban-baraba-lol-1643641/1/20
Came excited, left disappoint. Atleast those bikini girls offer real entertainment.