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A bad satire based on perception of uninformed player reading Dutch media.




Greetings, citizens of Netherlands,

the government is the worst! Everything they do is wrong, and everything they do not do, is also wrong. And it is our right and duty to criticize them - and just as all other articles, this article will do that as well.



It is easy to start with the president, because the fish smell from its head. First of all - why do we even have the president, when the head of the state is the King? Where is the King, why we cannot find him on the politics page? Why is he not even mentioned in the Constitution? It certainly must be government's faults, as they are probably keeping the King locked away somewhere. Rebellion should be made, cosntitutional monarchy should be restored, and all culprits in this plot should be hanged and quartered.

But that's not even the worst of it. The President is not even Dutch! He is 50% German, 25% Irish, 25% Czech, 100% Cuban and 5% Belgian, but not Dutch. Do you know he has a house in Iran? That makes him 10% more Iranian too. It all adds up nicely to 100% of non-Dutch blood. Also, he is evading our taxes for sure, because Iran is a tax haven. We will bring more in our next edition of "Semnan Papers".

And before we go - our President is actually a Dictator. Not only he wants to delete all our Laws and all our Congress, but most importantly - he has Dictatorship medals on his profile page! Several of them. And his critics are rumored to disappear one by one. Am I going to be the next... ?



Okay, but sure, there must be other people in the government, who are not that bad. I mean, look at the Minister of Defense, who is also leader of the Democratic party... he must be a good guy, right? Oh, no no no... he is actually a German collaborator on his own. Do you know, that even though he receives 200 Panzer Divisions per week, our German front is still at stalemate? How can we not push back Germany with such a mighty power, even with Turkey and Taiwan already getting closer to Berlin and Rhineland? It cannot be incompetence, as he is leader of our Army for a long time - he must be selling those tanks straight to Germans to keep their offensive going. In fact, I talked to German government official, and he told me they are best friends! Terrible! And what does he do with the money? Gaining economic supremacy over this country with his huge holding, that's what he is doing! He is even publicly boasting about it, as if the German war was not important at all.



If Minister of Defense cannot bring us the necessary win, what about Minister of Foreign Affairs? Allies could save us from Germany. We should immediately start treaty with both Turkey and Taiwan and work together on counter-offensive. And we should contact our alliance members and... wait, why is one of our alliance members allied to Germany? Should not they be allied to us? Instead, we are allied to Iran, of all the places. And we even give them our resources? Seems like we are digging more and more into this Iran conspiracy. Also, why does the Ministry smell of pancakes so much? Seems more like a restaurant instead of proper ministry. And why is it all covered with election posters, asking citizens to vote for him? Is there some power struggle going on in the government?



Speaking about struggle - the next Minister, Minister of Finances, is also sending around election posters, cleverly hidden inside income tax forms. And he even makes public speeches condemning the government and the president for his evil deeds and claiming to make a Revolution and bring better tomorrow for all of us. Now that sounds promising... however, he has already been President more than anyone else, so is he really the most competent person around to make a change? If he was unable to bring Revolution 12 times before, can he really do it now, on 13th attempt? Also, during his tenure, the government extracts more and more money from citizens, while doing nothing in return! Only rigged programs exclusive for other government members. And I am not even talking about that Iran thing - Iranian income is 8 billion dollars per day, and we only get lousy 100 000 dollars for giving them all our fish and iron? That is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed, anywhere.



Oh, and we also have Community Manager, I am being told. Not really sure, what Community managers should do, I guess they should "manage community", which certainly means some form of oppression against all anti-governmental rhetoric. But as the media is thrilling with activity on its own, it seems we have managed to not be managed by him. Though, he seems to be managing some community of dwarfs, so not sure what that is about. Probably some secret forces, ready to be deployed by government in case things go wrong for them.




P.S.: All above has been intended as satire... however, satire based on reality, which I sadly sometimes see in both eRepublik and real life politics. Whether it is meant seriously, or purely for comedic effect, criticism is a tool, which is easy to use, but hard to master. If used badly, it can create harm on both sides. And coping with the result of it can be even more difficult. I myself know about this too well.... oh... well... With that said - keep them coming - soon, we will reach the milestone of 70 articles per Presidential term, which is a record in modern Dutch history. And be sure the evil government will claim that record as their success 😛 .