[POTUS] Woah, we're halfway there.

Day 3,317, 16:30 • Published in USA USA • by fingerguns

Hello eAmericans! It is I, your glorious Dictator, here to update you on the recent goings on in your elite af government.

Things may have seemed quiet, but it’s actually been a bit crazy inside the Oval Office as we decide who we want to kill more than anyone else in the world. Canada, of course, won the straw poll, but they are surrounded by a Serbian hedge of protection. How much we care about invoking the wrath of their Serbian overlords seems to vary based on blood alcohol levels.

Alas, cooler heads have prevailed and I am currently in discussions with Congress to firm up a proper d*cking for our #2 choice. More on that later.

As you may have heard, Poland has launched an airstrike into Australia!

Wait… that’s not Indonesia.

Correct! It’s Indonesia-adjacent. It kind of doesn’t matter where they land, does it? We all know what’s coming. Hail Poland! Wardens of the 51st State! Besides, they wanted to get a little kangaroo hunting in before the Indo hunting begins. The meat cooks better, I guess?

In other news, Eleanor Norton is taking all of my gold in the Air Shout Giveaway! I think she’s found her calling.

The Department of Citizen Affairs has been busting their humps lately putting together some fully comprehensive guides to different aspects of the game. People have been asking for months now to get some help when it comes to the economics of eRep. My advice is kind of limited to ‘avoid economics like the plague. Have boobs n get rich.’ As it turns out, that’s not terribly good advice, so we have put much smarter people to the task of explaining how to make money when you’re lacking in lady bits. DoCA has been a little radio-silent these first couple weeks because I have asked them to focus on this super important project.

All government benefit programs, like Meals on Wheels, BU2SU and Arm America are still running smoothly, so apply for your bennies today! It’s your tax money. Spend it, bruv.

I know Christmas is right around the corner. I’ve been spiking my hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps on, like, a daily basis. Things are usually slow in eRep this time of year so I promise to keep just enough going on that you don’t lose interest in the game entirely, but not so much that it ruins your holiday.

Oh hey, I just realized I’m halfway through my term. Ballin.

Come hang out with me on Pfeiffer’s stream- beam.pro/Pfeiffer



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