My fellow Americans:
I would like to thank everyone for electing me to a second term as president. I like to think that I have learned a few things during my first term, so hopefully the second term will be smoother.
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My fellow Americans,
It with great seriousness that I write you today. I have proposed an airstrike on Croatia. I do this not out of a desire for conquest or revenge or even lulz. I had hoped, when I ran for Country President, to rule