Join the new world

That's a stupidly long title, but guess what, it complements a stupidly long article. To be honest, it's not actually about coping with Plato's decision to cut your food and gun supply in half this weekend. Mostly, it's about a silly make-work contest from last weekend. Skip to the end to see who won the Find the Potato contest...as if that's what you are somehow interested in finding out.

Things started slow with the first ever Find the Potato event but as things wound down in the final hours, a handful of serious players vied for the title of Finder of the Potato. BuzzzLightyear was the first to take to the fields with a certain gusto that was quite unexpected. He has generously provided screenshots showing most of the Found Potatoes – thanks Buzzz!


(Thanks for leading the way, Buzzz, and bringing a map to show us where Potato is)

1. One big 'tater


“Potato rights abuse.” -- That farmer obviously cares deeply for what he raises on his farm. I’m sorry you can’t recognize a happy Potato when you see one.
“Under his foot.” – True, but not in any political sense, of course.

2. DicTater


“Hiding in plain sight in the center of the page - resting comfortably in a hand” – Yes, that Potato is resting in comfort.
“between Rylde's legs” – Those legs look more like fingers, but thank you for trying. No point awarded.

3. You are what you eat


“Our potato is in the clutches of a young female humanoid that resembles a potato.” – Quite right.
“six feet under” – I don’t understand this answer so no point was awarded. Anyone care to explain?

4. Natural habitat of the garden-variety Potato


“In a wood box, just right of the eeks and below the summer squash” – Righto
“behind the leeks” – Correct location and correct spelling. Nicely done.

5. Hot Potato


“Look mama, I've pooped out a potato!” – not exactly, yet close enough to score a point
“*error pic not available*” – There were a few of these responses…sorry, points cannot be awarded for browser incompatibilities.

6. Master of Disguise


“Centre photo. Above the 2 kiwis with the stickers close to the bottom.” – good eye for detail
“The intruder with the large build and pale complexion in the middle of the picture.” – Enough to score a point but let’s not imagine Potato is more than what It really is.

7. Incan Gold


”in the vastly dissapointed stare of the Spanish dude” – very poetic, but you’re right in supposing that Conquistador expected Gold but only got a Potato. Point awarded.
“Indian guy is holding them and there's some on the ground an possibly in his loin cloth.” – You would be vastly disappointed to find none there.

8. Spudghog


“The object that isn't a hedgehog. Like come on.” – good point, I wasn’t sure everyone would be familiar with hedgehogs in Canada
“Sonic the hedgehog's bride is an impaled potato.” – second reminder: let’s not imagine Plotato to be more than what it really is

9. Freedom Fries


…this is where the contest took a different turn. But first, a brief tale.
Over the course of many decades, disputes have arisen about the nature of what the Potato can and cannot be. During the spring floods of 1948, one particularly soggy Find the Potato event unfolded as the rising river washed away a portion of the village (of course it had to be the part where the Potato was hidden). The council of elders decided that rather than cancel the long-established tradition, a surrogate Potato (one not even made of actual potato, but in some way still related) could be used in Its stead. This began a slippery slope.

Tradition was further challenged in the late ‘60s when one elder contended that “a Potato need not be seen to be known," essentially positing that it is possible to find the Potato without actually seeing it, but merely knowing of it potentially being there is sufficient to say it is found.

To prove his point, this elder placed the Potato in a box that contained a very hungry cat. After several hours, he asked the elders whether or not the Potato was in the box. Obviously, it had not left the box, but if the cat had eaten the potato, then was it still in the box or more so in the cat, and if so, was it still a Potato despite now being part cat after hours of digestion? (before that moment, it was not known that cats can’t really digest uncooked Potato).

One conservative elder, frustrated with the farce, forcibly opened the box to discover that it had neither Potato nor cat (solanaceae/nightshade plants are quite poisonous to cats!). Rather than concede the point that both cat and Potato no longer fully existed, which would risk jeopardizing the great legacy of Find the Potato, the elder council upheld the doctrine (or rather, completely fabricated one) that a Potato could still be known when neither seen, touched, tasted, or smelled (hearing a potato was beyond imaginable, so was never discussed) but if under the right circumstances one could reasonably believe (or faithfully imagine) that the Potato was there, then it could be claimed it was a de facto Found Potato.

The dissenting elder was arrested by State Police a week later on trumped up charges about conspiring with his cat to steal the Potato, but really it was because the elder council felt he had attempted to blaspheme against It. He was never seen again so nothing much ever came of challenging the elders or their new doctrine after that. So anyway, Found Potato is a relative science, or perhaps system of belief, whatever.

So to resume with Freedom Fries:

“deep fried and salted to oblivion, held up against the bosom of the very lovely lady" – very descriptive, with a hint of French existential angst
“McD's happened.” – enough to imply why no Potato can be found in the picture, yet one exists nonetheless. Things do happen and we accept the changes for what they are, and so we move on.

10. Eat this, Jerry!


Unfortunately, BuzzzLightyear’s winning streak came to an end here.
There is no evidence to say that is not a potato, but there could be equal reason to argue it is a horseapple or clod of earth. The Germans (Jerry) were one of the first to manufacture the “Potato Masher” stick grenade in WWI and later adopted by Russia and China, who made less reliable variants.

Seen below:


So the correct answers are:
“Middle mouse button to toss back grenade.” – Indirect answer pointing at a direct truth. Click awarded.
“Molotov filled with Vodka? Which is Potato booze?” – No that is a simple Potato Masher grenade, but you were looking in the right direction and attempting to use good reasoning skills, good enough for a point.

11. Junk Toys

First, some junk music to accompany this pic.

“Mr. Potato Head under the letter "y" in "Toy" – could not be more correct than that. Plus, the answer to "Why" is almost always Potato.
“I believe there is a body of a mr. potato head there on the bottom of the image near the bottom of the hotwheels track” – all players got this one right. Mr. Potato Head is everyone’s friend.

12. Family ties


“yams, to the right of aroids” – It’s too bad you did not read the clue provided.
“Well, since the potato is a nightshade, it is closer to the tomato than the yam.” – You did your research, well done.
“I don't see Solanum anywhere...” – You know about Potato, but did not know tomato. Potato…tomato…so close.

13. Where's Plotato?!?!?


In finding the correct solution for a different puzzle (Where’s Waldo?), Buzzz still answered correctly for the greater question surrounding it (Where’s Potato?). No matter where you look, the answer is always right if Potato truly is in everything and everyone.

Respondents provided a variety of answers for #13, but they were still all correct answers in the end (and in the beginning, and so on and so forth). How is that possible since a Potato can only be in one place and not in another, and certainly not in both places or more at once? We could presume that the cartoon Waldo may be holding the Potato because he is an imaginary creation, so whoever drew him could well have imagined, or may later imagine, that he is indeed holding a Potato. We could very well assume that anyone whose hands are not seen may be holding the Potato. Or anybody (as such, everybody) could be sitting on the Potato. When the Potato is unseen but still very much anticipated, then Potato is seen everywhere even when it's not really there (well, at least not in true Potato form).

The real answer is that the Potato brings Joy and these people all look like they are full of joy. Such happy people know the Potato because they have It in their hearts. Therefore, the Potato is everywhere in this picture.

“Waldo has it :3” – Yes, of course he does. And so do you!

“Another Mr. Potato Head in the upper left corner, about 4 heads down from the top - right next to the outermost border. The 2 big white eyes give it away.” – Some people see Potato in donuts, cloud formations, or even in the faces of other people. It’s good to see the Potato in other people, as they may well see the Potato in you, too.

“I never did like waldo.” – That’s okay because Potato still loves you. Point awarded anyhow.

“next to the person dressed up as waldo” – Self-referential tautologies and circular logic have long been the foundational understanding of where Potato can be found. Good job.

All your answers for #13 were correct and you all have reason to feel Joy. The Found Potato is indeed a marvelous thing. Of course, no one gets ahead when everyone gets a point just as nobody falls behind. It may as well be as if #13 never existed because nothing comes of it in the final tally, which is probably the real truth to this last puzzle.

Nevertheless, only one person can be crowned Finder of the Potato (admittedly, that contradicts the whole inclusionary “Everyone’s a Winner” message from before but this is yet another ‘mystery’/rationalization of the Plotato).

Hotelier: 8 points

Genyng Kislev: 11 points

I-Bleed-Blue-93: 11 points

BuzzzLightyear: 11 points

Finder of the Potato for December 2014 is
simulare!
with 13 points.

There’s more to the Potato than meets its eyes but that is better left for another day and a shorter article. Have a Merry Potato season and prosperous Half-Plotato weekend.