Tis the season. A Tucson Christmas

Day 4,417, 22:37 • Published in USA USA • by Old Man Jenkins67

This Christmas my house is lit by ten thousand points of twinkling lights. I have reindeer on the roof, silver bells and candy canes strung over the garden gate, and all my windows are trimmed with artificial frost, so that it looks as though they've been dusted by a snowstorm.

I also have a lawn Santa riding a cactus, no matter that it's 70 degrees here.

Here in Tucson, that there are cacti and palmetto bugs and joggers in shorts.

I also have an illuminated manger with life-size figures of the three kings and the virgin holding the baby Jesus, and Joseph pacing irritably up and down just outside, and there's a lion lying down with a lamb, and a camel and a few sheep, all made of Styrofoam.

In the living room window, you can see my beautiful 8 foot Christmas tree strung with red and green blinking lights, and little cups in which candles glimmer, with a revolving musical angel on the top. Beneath the tree is a pile of gaily wrapped presents, and hanging from the mantelpiece is a row of stockings bulging with toys and candy.

I have Christmas carols blaring from speakers in my windows, and crowds of neighbors gathered outside my house peacefully demonstrating, carrying placards and signs in protest. And there's a group of Hassidic Jews picketing the nativity scene, holding up images of Judah Maccabee, who led the insurrection against the Romans that inspired the festival of Hanukkah, which is the competing holiday for retail sales.

In keeping with the season, I also spend 12 days wearing a tattered gown, a crown of thorns, a pair of sandals, and stigmata on my hands and feet, and I pull a large wooden cross through the streets of downtown, through what I call the Stations of the Cross.

The first station is Starbucks, where I begin the climb to Calvary with a latte and a little almond biscotti. Then it's off to the 4th Street, where I drag my cross past jugglers, mimes, performance artists and street musicians.

Today I stopped in at "Bed, Bath and Beyond" to pick up a washcloth to cushion my shoulder from the rough wood of the cross. I also bought some nice bath salts to soak my feet. And then I went into Urban Outfitters to pick up a plaid golf hat I've had my eye on since it was reduced to $14.99.

And as I drag my cross along the streets, people slow down as they drive by, and some wave, and some honk, and some make cracks about the small wheel I have attached to the bottom of the cross.

Tis the season,
Merry Christmas

The Modern Drunkard