Quad Epic Deployment

Day 4,600, 12:13 • Published in USA USA • by Gnilraps




04:30
The LED on the radio lit up. And it was right on time.

TheNorm turned up the volume on the radio after clicking PAUSE on his brand new MacBook Pro where he’d been catching up on back episodes of The Rockford Files.

“Commander Norm here. Go ahead.”

“Hey Norm, it’s RT. I’ve got an update on today’s Deployment.”

Norm and the EZC Brass had been planning this all week. Everyone loves Epic Battles, and everyone was going to get one. At least that was the plan.

RT continued his report, “My operatives in Cuba indicate that their forces have left Havana and are already a third of the way across the Straits of Florida. We expect landfall shortly after 06:30.”

As Norm cracked a smile, his teeth dug into the cigar he’d been enjoying.

AVO XO.

He liked the Dominican long fillers and the luxurious Ecuadorian long-leaf, but the report from RT also meant that his fresh supply of Montecristo No. 2’s was just hours away.

“Thanks, RT. I’ll alert Gnilraps.”

“I hope you’ve got a whole crate of Yamazaki for Gnilraps!” quipped RT. He knew what Gnilraps meant to do, and he didn’t think it was even possible unless the old bastard was already drinking pretty heavily.

“This one cost us a bottle of Macallan 25yr.” Norm wasn’t kidding. “But yeah, we took care of Gnil. Norm out.”

“See you in Tallahassee! RT out.”

Norm put his boots back up on his desk. He took a minute to send for Krapis before returning his attention to Jim Rockford.




06:00
“We’ve got all systems in place, Norm… Sir… Commander…” Poor Krapis was always nervous when he had to talk directly to the grizzled veteran commander of the greatest Military Unit ever. He also had no idea how much Norm actually liked him.

Of course it didn’t help that his commander also liked to mess with him.

“Did you bring the shoe polish? I want these boots to shine by the time the battle for Tallahassee starts! You’ve got 30 minutes!”

“Yes sir, commander sir, I think I left it in HULK’s office.” Krapis had just enough time to get the job done. But he knew better than to spin and exit until he’d been dismissed.

Just then Jim Rockford’s voice echoed from Norm’s Anker Classic speaker, “Freeze, Turkey!”

That, of course, was just exactly what Krapis was doing.

Norm milked it for all it was worth. He picked up the radio, “Hey Gnilraps, you still awake? We’re expecting you to show up on time this time, ya know?”

Krapis couldn’t believe it. Norm and Gnilraps. Two legends chitchatting it up. And here he was to witness it all.

Norm’s radio started playing Tom Waits’ classic “Bad as Me”. “I'm the mattress in the back / I'm the old gunnysack / I'm the one with the gun / Most likely to run.” But Gnilraps didn't actually say anything. He really was a cantankerous old fart.

Norm turned his radio off.

“Dismissed!”

Krapis was out the door in seconds.





06:42
CURRAHEE!!!

Everyone knew the sound of Gnilraps launching himself into battle. With him it was always balls to the wall, anus flaring.

Within minutes the sounds of “CURRAHEE” could be heard throughout Base Camp.

Even Norm’s Rockford Files marathon got put on hold. “This one’s for you, eUSA! CURRAHEE!!!”





07:06



07:27



07:37



07:49



08:13






19:50
As evening descended, Norm lit up the first Montecristo No. 2 out of the box. As the smoke curled around his helmet, a smile curled around his face. He poured himself a couple of fingers from the flask in his top drawer, reached for his radio, and with his best commander voice barked out a single sentence…

“Krapis, get in here!”