Diary Of The White House Janitor

Day 4,571, 23:42 • Published in USA USA • by Hcmadman legione astra equitum
May 9th

I overheard the defense staff talking while I was polishing Tyler's silver pen and pencil set, they seemed to be too busy to notice I was also polishing off a bottle of Glenfarclas from the presidential drinks cabinet.

All manner of discussion over counter offensives against Indonesia and battle coordination with South Korea were being discussed.


May 14th

My duties might be menial, but they are fulfilling, after all who else would sit back and eat salami out of the presidential larder while making paper airplanes out of old press briefing notes?

The press corps are messy mofos, mind you they have no time to clean up the heaps of scribblings and masterpieces in the raw, they have been very busy this month, even with a half dozen of them the pace they keep is maddening.


May 21st


That burrito kid just pulled another all nighter, he is going to loose weight if he keeps sculpting the Interior website into a work of art.

I hope he gets done soon, I find it impossible to nap in the broom closet while he is typing away.


May 27st

I told Tyler he had done a great job, the whole staff has contributed, but he is the one who brought them all together.

The country has needed this for months, if not years, I am just honored to have been able to see it as it was happening..... and sneak the occasional Davidoff No.3s out of the presidential humidor.



June 5th

Tomorrow is the anniversary of D-day, maybe Tyler will finally let me invade Greenland to commemorate the day.



On A Serious Note

Consider voting Tyler Bubblar for president again, this has been a solid month of activity in the face of extraordinary hardships, the mere fact that we are not all speaking Serbian or Persian by this point is a sign of masterful skill on the part of his administration.

Here's to next month, because there is more yet to be accomplished!

Huzzah for the USA!