[UKRP] On Behalf of the Kettle

Day 1,363, 10:38 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Arthur Wellesley


Obligatory Appropriate Theme Music

Hindgate; or, how the pot stopped loving the kettle and called it black

Dearer Friends,

In the past few weeks, UK Reform have overtaken The Unity Party as the lead party in the UK. We have celebrated in the media, had a bit of fun with their more defensive players, and have generally been in the mood to make a joke of the Gloomy Guses that comprise our competition. But what is the cost of such success? Accusations of electoral corruption, cheating, and apparently the general abandoning of any sort of moral high ground.

When I first joined this game, UKRP stood as the most upright party in the UK. We condemned any practice that was remotely corrupt. Nowadays, I see our party as the same friendly party that we used to be. You see, Iain didn’t see us as the most upright party in the UK back then. He complained about us and whined about us just as much as he does now. Of course, it suits his purposes to act like he used to find us a valued and honourable partner, and he probably has said the same in previous articles. Yet anyone that has interacted with Iain in the political arena of the UK know that he’s merely talking out of both sides of his mouth, as he is so want to do.

The UKRP would rather LOSE than win with such a leader.



Iain accuses the UKRP of sidelining Thatcher. This is nothing short of absurdity. Thatcher has not been sidelined. He is still a valuable member of the UKRP family, and we highly prize his input. We regrettably must admit that he sometimes is not as active on UKRP channels as he once was – a fact that consternates some of us who dearly prize his company – but this is due to the large workload he carries on his shoulders for the eUK. He is currently Minister for Foreign Affairs. To boot, Thatcher is the UKRP favorite for CP nomination month after month after month. Saying that Thatcher is a sidelined member of UKRP would be like saying Iain was sidelined when he stopped taking so much interest in domestic politics – he’s busy with other things, and one of our most important and trusted members.

Several weeks ago a UKRP congressman (Smack Dat) was elected in part due to buying votes. He sent messages to people offering them weapons in exchange for their votes. UKRP did, in fact, condemn him for this and we privately rebuked him for his actions. Our Party President, Thomas765 (a player who is, without a doubt, possessed of one of the most unimpeachable characters I’ve seen in this game), brought forward proposals for new rules and corresponding disciplinary measures immediately after the scandal broke. We are currently in the process of deciding how far we feel it is appropriate to go in setting up these measures of party discipline, but are committed to doing so. Iain’s accusations in this regard are false at best and opportunistic at worst. As far as Smack letting in an unauthorized citizen (C Roy), the matter was dealt with the same way all unauthorized citizenship grants are dealt with, with a warning administered under the terms of the Congressional Penalties Act. If Iain doesn’t like how such things are dealt with, the blame does not lie with the UKRP, it lies in the House of Commons. Of course, the Congressional Penalties Act was proposed by a UKRP member, Darkmantle, so the party is obviously not disinterested in keeping Congress accountable. Perhaps Mr. Keers would like to start a legislative measure that would close whatever perceived loop holes he has identified instead of blathering on in a wall of hot air and nonsense.



Next, Iain brings up the breaking crisis of Simon Hind’s multi-accounting. Well, I may be a few time zones behind the rest of the UK as I am an American IRL, as soon as I woke up today, the UKRP private IRC channel was abuzz with everyone in shock and disbelief over Simon’s nefarious actions. We have a thread open on our party forum just now discussing it. He has been removed from party positions, he is banned from our IRC, he has been banned from the forum, he has been reported to the admins, and we all pretty much wish we could wring his neck for letting us down like this. A UKRP member even proposed his removal from the Congressional forum user group – AFTER, I believe, he had already been banned from the forum as a whole (though I might have my timeline mixed up) – so I’m not sure what else Iain expects we could have done. Simon has been dealt with. Full stop.

Iain does, of course, mention that ‘some’ members of TUP were multis. But then he fails to mention the sheer hemorrhage of numbers the TUP suffered as multi after multi were discovered among their ranks. As things always go with Iain, though, this somehow merely just makes UKRP look worse (as if TUP does something it’s just a minor event and nothing to see here move along, but if UKRP does it we’re flesh eating mutant zombie ghosts from Mars). TUP has (or had, rather) just as many multis as Iain asserts are among our ranks. Our recruitment drive has been closely monitored by our leadership and had the involvement of MANY other UKRP members – prominent and not-so-prominent, not just Simon Hind, and so I believe it is a completely fallacious argument to assert that because Simon has been discovered to have multi’d, all membership gains the UKRP have enjoyed are therefore multis as well and should be ignored. This is complete absurdity.

And so, today, Iain Keers announces his candidacy for TUP Party President under the guise of a clean sweep, assumingly to rid the UK of the cancerous plague of murderous UKRP zombies. Don’t let his sanctimonious, holier-than-thou act further fool you. This is merely the sign of a dying party. TUP has been failing for months now, with no prominent names left to bolster their flagging support and their dwindling enthusiasm. Iain’s ‘return’ and his hollow echoes of New Labour are nothing more than political opportunism and a last ditch effort to stop the TUP bus from hurtling over a cliff into a chasm of political irrelevancy.

It seems to me if you can’t trust, you can’t be trusted.