The Pun: The Irish Scandal

Day 4,780, 15:20 • Published in United Kingdom Turkey • by Pontefract

- Sir Humphrey Appleby accused of issuing ultimatums and threats to the Irish President.

- Irish President cancels training wars as a result and publishes lengthy complaints.

- Sir Humphrey attempts to gloss over issue to Congress, sparking impeachment whispers.

- The Minister of Education (The Pun's own Editor-In-Chief) submits resignation after just a few hours in office.
By Pontefract
Sir Humphrey Appleby was accused of threatening behaviour towards the Irish CP and subsequently did not reveal the truth behind the reason for the cancellation of the Irish TWs to Congress until he realised the issue was being made public.

In a political bombshell, The Pun can reveal that this entire issue originated over an issue with the newly-Irish Alfa who 'took one of his medals'.

In a protest to the Irish CP, one source said, Sir Humphrey's words were: 'I will issue this ultimatum, you keep him [Alfa UKSF] on the leash or NI is off limits to you.'

The Irish CP, MUFC, responded with: 'Mate, if you have any wishes to end our TW just end it.'

'I'm not interested in any kind of ultimatums, threats or conditions.'

Stressing the genuine military firepower of eIreland, one source described the country as being able to 'take NI with very little effort as it has more, better fighters. Higher air potential, Mav hitters, Allies and everything else that counts so as an ultimatum it sucks as he can't back it up... if Ireland were so inclined to take NI'.

As a result of this unseemly scuffle, the TW ended and a peace proposal with eIreland is currently being voted on by Congress members.

Congressional mischief.

In another exclusive, The Pun can also reveal the explanation Sir Humphrey provided to Congress for the cessation of the TWs:

'Unfortunately looks like Ire may (randomly) end up a bit of a difficulty so we've agreed a peace proposal with their CP MUFC.'

'This is a bit of a downer given the ping pong was useful but there we go.'

One source exclusively told The Pun 'He's lost it. Power has gone to his head. He must be removed. Impeachment or in an election - preferably through an election. It would be great for the eUK to be seen as rejecting such behaviour'.

The Pun's own Editor-In-Chief also quit as the Government's Minister of Education after just a few short hours, citing a crippling inability to support the actions of this Government after anti-Irish behaviour and a lack of transparency from the CP.

Sir Humphrey cryptically sent The Pun the following excerpt of a poem by Charles Mackay:

'You have no enemies, you say? Alas my friend, the boast is poor...'

'He who has mingled in the fray of duty MUST have made enemies.'

'If you have none, small is the work that you have done...'

'You’ve never turned the wrong to right. You've been a coward in the fight...'

What could this mean? Could this be a deadly wound upon the honour of Sir Humphrey? Or is it merely a scratch? Is the Government dead and buried?

There's only one way to know...

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