The Last Pun Standing - Party Election Results

Day 4,745, 12:57 • Published in United Kingdom Turkey • by Pontefract

- Lord Harambe set to win Pirate Cat Party Elections.

- Webley2 set to lose by just one vote as his support grows.

- Sir Humphrey set to thrash Certacito.

- Certacito not particularly pleased with this.
By Pontefract
Lord Harambe looked set to be crowned President of the Pirate Cat Party, tallying up eight votes with Webley2 trailing by just one vote as the election was independently verified.

An attempt to push up Webley2's vote tally, as exclusively first reported by the last edition of The Pun, was scuppered at the last hurdle by AMD. and his three voters. One source told The Pun "Its[sic] just pointless. This can work if AMD just lets people choose". When it was pointed out that an election is precisely that and that AMD. doesn't prevent it, our source succinctly replied "fkn stop sending me quesgtions[sic]".

Ultimately, however, it most certainly seems that Webley2 commands firm support within the Pirate Cat Party - a support that consistently transforms to strong votes. It remains the case, however, that AMD. intends on torpedoing these chances in any way he can. "I'll probably run against him," AMD. said in an eUK exclusive, "unless our lord and saviour harambe wins".

Pirate Catfight

"Webley is the opposite of a unity candidate. There is no appeal to him. I stand against him cause he’s a d***", AMD. exclusively told The Pun. When asked about the reason for the strength of such emotion, AMD. replied that "I can’t even remember properly at this point but we just don’t get on".

"I’ve won before and I’ll win again if I actually put some effort in", AMD. continued. "I’m not alarmed, just annoyed. When he wins he does nothing."

Indeed, this may cut to the heart of the issue. Party members may wish to see some form of manifesto or party plan in order to switch their vote to Webley2. What would he do? The fact that Lord Harambe did win, however, poses some interesting questions - will AMD. run again in order to subtract votes for the benefit of the Party President-Elect? If Webley2 can come within a vote without publishing some form of manifesto, will he win when he does? And will Lord Harambe shore up enough support to ensure his time as President of the party lasts for another several months?

We shall see, dear reader. Stay tuned to your favourite trashy tabloid for more.

UK Reform Party

If the PCP elections were a fistfight, the UKRP elections were more of a polite Kensington-style supermarket scuffle for the last bog roll. It just so happened that Sir Humphrey got it first and everyone politely averted their eyes as he strode away with it, Certacito watching in horror and clutching a basket of pasta close to his chest.

I digress. There's not much to write about this, in fairness.

When it was put to Certacito that it looked like he was about to lose, the challenger simply parried with "Bollucks![sic]". He did give an interesting insight when saying "I think that the fact that Appleby *is* currently the elected CP of eUK is a valid reason *not* to vote for him as PP....". Judging by the results though, it looks like nobody is actively looking for an alternative to Sir Humphrey within the UKRP at this time.

Oh and, before we forget: there are other parties too.

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