Tea with Titans, tef1

Day 4,248, 16:59 • Published in USA Japan • by Violence Seth

*ahem* W-Well Well hello there! Sethesin here *ahem*. Welcome to another Tea with Titans, a feature here on the Skald, (Oh Gad please tell me where I am, at least tha-) *ahem* excuse me.. Emm it’s where I endeavor to interview the movers, the shakers, the warlords and money makers right here on eRepublik.


In this eight issue of Tea with Titans I’ll will be interviewing my captor *Ooof* I mean the silliest, frilliest *squinting at text* God Emperor Clown of the New World.
(Really!? Okay, please don't!) *Ahh! Damn that hurts*

*Gun clicking* Tef1 has allowed me a brief insight into his laughter filled fun compound. Having graciously read through my humble questions he has benevolently agreed to a casual interview, to amuse himself and more importantly his audience, the eWorld.

He’s Party President of T.P.S, Press Director of The News Squad, and has so far never won a single Guerrilla match up *Oooof* (Please stop! I won’t be able to continue if you kill me!) Anyways, as mentioned before, he's the one true G*D and Imperial Clown Emperor of the New World.
It's none other than the one, the only..


tef1

So without futher ado, here's the interview.


The Skal😛 What's the most purely abstract thing that tef1 could find in this game?

tef1: eRepublik is a fun game. So much fun, I tell you. A game is always an abstract. Good news is eRepublik has a simulation within it.

The Skal😛 Has there ever been a moment of clarity, eSociologically, that tef1 experienced?

tef1: Tef1 has run for CP more than I can count. I have not won one yet and probably will never. Who wants a clown as CP after all? Their loss. 😊 Those millions of losses are informative in terms of sociological makeup of the new world.

The Skal😛 What's the funniest thing about eRepublik, in tef1's opinion, that keeps people coming back?

tef1: Tef1 is a legend within eSwiss and eUSA, but sadly, the clown is not YET universally known. I promise you there was never or will there ever be more fun if it were not for the LEGENDARY His Majesty The King of all Jokes Emperor Tef1 of the New World.

The Skal😛 My audience may not know tef1, is this good or bad?

tef1: Excuse you? Do you mean to tell me that there is anyone who does not know His Majesty, the Emperor of all Jokes Tef1 of the New World? If so, this is a tragedy. Tef1 is a clown – the Best clown there is. He is funny, kind, controversial and best fake Dictator of eSwiss and eUSA. I refer you to his newspaper for such proclamations 😊

The Skal😛 Please let me go, I won’t tell anyone, I swear!
...

The Skal😛 Sorry, back to my questions. tef1 is loosely defined, tef1 isn't something you can put a pin on. So as tef1, who is tef1?

tef1: The disrespect is unimaginable. Did you not just ask me, who I was!? Don’t flinch away I was joking, joking!. 😊 Look, I am funny as hell, so deal with it. I am also a narcissistic maniac. Muhahahaha. No need to put a pin on anything. Tef1 is undefinable. Should you want to solve the mystery, spam his newspaper with subscriptions. #roadtoamillion. Yes, I am a dreamer. 😊

The Skal😛 What is tef1's opinion on eNation alliances?

tef1: Alliances means there is a division. Say, you and I are on the same alliances, that mean we are against someone. Tef1 is about love, not hate. So, I am not a big fan. Perhaps, we need a giant alliance where everyone is a member.

The Skal😛 if tef1 was an animal, what animal would that be?

tef1: I thought a clown was an animal. Silly me. 😊 Well, I am usually lonely so, I must be a cat. Obviously 😉

The Skal😛 It's almost closing time, is tef1 entirely awake or merely dreaming?

tef1: I promise, I am awake and sober. I swear, I said all that crazy stuff SOBER and well alert. I am a clown man.

The Skal😛 Say if we were at a bar, what would you like to quench your thirst on a hot summer's day?

tef1: Bodacious babes.


After a few weeks in his "bounce house" prison I'd managed to fashion a shiv. With careful planning, taking mental note of each guard rotation, I finally struck at night during a cell inspection. I shanked the guard. He was a jolly, well liked personality so he was often left to inspect alone. I'd made careful note of that. Once he'd stopped moving I removed his uniform and put his corpse under my mattress. I lay on top of him sleeplessly 'til morning came. It was tense walking out once the cell block opened. The other prisoners bounced around, waiting for their morning cotton candy.

The guilt of killing that poor guy for his rainbow overalls haunted me but I was determined to escape. I tried my best to blend in, wiping the sweat from my brow as I bounced towards the exit. By the time I got to the entrance I noticed the guards where all high on Nitrous Oxide and laughing at a weird cartoon called "Goldy the Saleamamder, part of the eReptile Dysfunction series". They took no notice of me. I bounced out of there a free man without a fuss. I wandered the mountainous roads into Geneva Town. After a couple of days of busking for change, dancing a miserable, mirthless dance, I'd enough cash for a train ticket back to Bergen, still festering in my bloody rainbow overalls. Oh Gad, I killed that poor man! People were staring at me as if they knew what I'd done. He'd have probably let me go if I had bothered to ask.


Another Tea with Titans, another look into the grizzly brains of the best and brightest in this little horror-show we call eRepublik! I'd like to thank tef1 for not pursuing me after the prison guard incident. I wish him the best of luck in his pursuit to make the eWorld smile that bit more.

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Thank you for reading!