EDEN HQ Full of Spies – Biggest eConspiracy Uncovered!
Day 1,135, 03:27
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Published in Romania 
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by
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by Erwin Schauman
EDEN HQ Full of Spies – Biggest eConspiracy Uncovered!
Recently, I have come in the possession of rather interesting logs that prove the involvement of several shockingly big EDEN names in a conspiracy to bring the alliance down from the inside. It would seem that this nefarious plan has been on the works for months now, and it involves leaking information to Phoenix, deteriorating the relations between EDEN member states, and disruption of all alliance dialogues with trolling.
Because this sickness has been left untreated for so long, the spies have been able to infiltrate more and more channer trolls inside the organization. The true extend of the spy network is unknown, but the most pessimistic assessments quote that by now around half a dozen inner circle people are involved. It would also seem that the situation is widely known among the rest of the staff, but they choose not to react due to their catatonic, bored state. Some even give direct or indirect support to the spies.
Naturally, none of this would have any value without actual evidence. You want names. People to point fingers at.
Therefore, I am glad to say that the evidence to the greatest conspiracy in the history of eRepublik...
...will not be seen tonight!
Instead, we bring you this special news report on...
MARMOOOSEEETS!!
Yes, Marmosets! These lovable, miniature sized fur balls with inverted thumbs, twitching whiskers and prehensile tails! These God's own pots of shining gold at the end of the multi-hued rainbow! These adorable little Ewoks that make lolkittens look like a plate full of traditional Finnish Easter cuisine!
The case against Finnish cuisine, exhibit A
Our news room has received a heartwarming letter today from little Timmy from Belgium. Timmy is a sworn Marmoset lover, and we'd very much like to read the letter to you, as we are sure it will touch your hearts as it did ours.
In his letter Timmy writes:
”Gee, those Marmosets sure are swell, mister, but can they fix my broken EDEN?
Haha! Oh, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy... the answer is elementary: of course they can! There's nothing a Marmoset couldn't fix! Do you have homework to do but don't have the motivation? Just tell your teacher that your Marmoset ate them! Does your house have a leaking water pipe? Just plug the hole with a Marmoset! Truly, they have more uses than something that has a lot of uses!
To answer your question, I am glad to tell you that our research team is on the case!
For the last couple of months the team has run a series of complicated and extensive tests, even having to rely on the Large Hadron Collider a couple of times! They finally managed to come up with undeniable evidence that proves that the main problem with EDEN is that it consists of people with heads full of...
We will never tire of this analogy!
Since the issue obviously revolves around the human factor, the answer to the problem is simple: erase the human factor! Replace the HQ entirely with Marmosets!
Not only are Marmosets excellent diplomats and strategists, they are also utterly uncaring of such negative human traits like hate, greed and selfishness. They also have no desire to troll or acquire personal power. Nor do they care about wealth or fame. What best, they are completely immune to the seduction of female chest-buttocks! They can't be bribed by any means!
Plus, they are far more entertaining than the average member of the anti-EDEN cabal!!
Ps. Vote or they'll suffocate you with their love. Seriously. They'll do it!
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Marmosets FTW
Lame
Replace EDEN HQ with Marmosets.
"Does your house have a leaking water pipes? Just plug the hole with a Marmoset!"
Oh dear. XD
You cannot scare anyone with a black porridge - nothwithstanding the name of it. : -)
And the marmoset covered the chocolate in tinfoil
this sounds like a plan
ok.
*struts about
See, dr Rey? Many votes, but no love : )
Love in the virtual world is reserved for those with tits or those part of some group that supports them. In both cases, it's entirely fake. Votes, however, are honest. : D
I thought I killed you....
Damn marmosets.
Id sure love some marmosets instead of 1-2 representatives we have in the HQ.
Unfortunately we only vote for those that can make us feel sorry later.
For teh lulz.
@Porosus: that was a fictional story. I have to write the last part one day, though the series never became popular. : )
@Wallachian: There's a specific psychological reason why the people in charge are nearly always corrupt and incompetent - it's the immoral ones that want power for the sake of power, and they are the ones that push themselves on seats of influence.
If you want good leaders, you need to choose people who DO NOT want the responsibility. They are the ones that take it serious, and have their hearts in the right place.
On the other hand, Ive never seen a marmoset begging for responsibility
MARMOSETS ROCK!
My new favorite article in Erepublik.
Yes but they get there through those that vote for them, through those that play the victim role, those that follow the sheep mentality and after they are cheated in their expectations they find the perfect reason to blame those in power.
Its like a self fulfilling prophecy. Everybody gets what they were after. The wolfs get power, the sheep get abuse.
So eRepublik is not very different than RL. A bunch of ill intended players manipulate the vast majority into doing something which is not particularly in their best interest.
See the Poland - Romania case.
Well, in this case the wolves just feed their egos. Betrayers aren't going to turn in to honest persons after switching sides. They'll still remain untrustworthy.
If anyone recruits them in the new alliances, they are choosing friendship over competence and after some time the issues resurface. Nepotism is the worst way to run a business. Ask Lemnaru if you don't believe me : )
Well wolves wont change but neither will the sheep. So wolves will just find new sheep to pray upon. And the sheep will be pleased to find smbd else to abuse them. And a New eWorld war will start.
And I dont have to ask him, I know from the source LOL