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Happy Halloween, ladies and gentlemen, Harcourt Fenton Mudd here, and today I’d like to share with you a very real ghostly encounter I had. It was an experience that both horrifying and life-changing.

It began at night, like most other ghost stories do, around one or two o’clock. I was sound asleep, when suddenly I was woken up by a loud rustling sound. Immediately, I jumped up and scanned the room, and, to my relief, I saw nothing. Perhaps, I thought, it was just a nighttime terror, a phantasm of a half-asleep mind. Just as I was about to lay back down, I heard the rustling noise again. My eyes raced to the corner of the room. I had no idea how I missed it, but there it was. It was a wide figure, wider than any man and engulfed in shadows, save for its eyes which gave off a faint glow that pieced through the dark.



As terror overtook me, my body froze and my mind began to race. Who or what was this staring back at me? And what malicious intentions did it have for me? I tried shouting for help, but the words wouldn’t come out. We stared at each other, this figure and I, for what felt like forever. With each second that passed, my fear only increased.



Somehow, while trying to scream for help, I managed to let out a small, frightful yelp which seemed to make the creature curious, as it cocked its head and let out a soft, guttural growl. In that instance, against every natural instinct I had, my fear washed away. The animalistic grow should have frightened me even more, but it had the opposite effect.

As the creature stepped forward into the moonlight, I saw it wasn’t a monster at all; it was a gorilla, a majestic gorilla with deep, noble eyes.

“Who are you? What do you want?”, I asked.

The gorilla let out a grunt and reached out its mighty paw, which I took without hesitation. As soon as I grabbed it, we were in a different world, a great jungle of colossal crystalline trees that radiated incomprehensible and alien colors. The jungle was alive with sound, sounds as beautiful and indescribable as the lights of the trees. I had become lost in it all when the gorilla grabbed and tugged my hand and then motioned forwards. He wanted us to go deeper into the jungle, and so we did.

The further we got into the jungle, the more I became consumed by the sights and sounds around me. Whenever I would lose focus, the gorilla would have to pull me back into reality. We trekked for what felt like hours before reaching a large, clear pond. The gorilla pointed at it. Thirsty, I got on my knees, ready to drink the water, but before I could cup some in my hands, the gorilla pulled me back, shook his head, and pointed at the pond again.

What do you want me to do? I don’t understand.”, I said.

The gorilla just kept pointing.

"Do you want me to get in it?”, I asked.

The gorilla shook its head again. I stared at the pond, trying to figure out what he wanted me to do. That’s when I saw it. There was an image in the water, faint and unclear, just colors and vague shapes moving about. I got closer to the pond, and as I did the image got clearer.

I saw a vision of a gorilla getting shot, and I knew right away who my guide was.

“Harambe?”, I asked.

Harmabe nodded in confirmation and pointed at the pond. As I continued starring into the pond, more visions came to me.



I saw a mighty empire with golden streets buried in the sand and a statue of a great king torn to ruble. I saw it raining in the Oval Office. I saw a giant chicken, wearing a king’s crown and jester’s motley, dancing to the Serbian national anthem as a giant dam cracked and broke behind him. I saw the eUSA fall into chaos and a decrepit king seize power through force. I saw men in gorilla mask being hunted down and persecuted only for them to rise up strong than before.

As the visions continued, I became more and more engrossed in them. It felt as though I had withered away into nothing. After they ended, I found myself laying in my front lawn, naked as the day I was born. It was then and there I devoted myself to Harambe.

Super true, super spooky. And don’t worry, dearies, my next article won’t be about gorillas. It will however be as haphazard and full of grammatically errors as the first two, but it won’t be about gorillas. And shorter. It will be much shorter. Probably.

Your most humble Harambist,

Harcourt Fenton Mudd