[WHPR] Day 3182: Resoula President, Lamb No Longer Served in Whitehouse

Day 3,182, 23:25 Published in USA USA by James S. Brady Press Room
White House Press Report – Day 3,182: Resoula President, Lamb No Longer Served in Whitehouse


Resoula and his cabinet arriving at the Whitehouse


Dateline: Saturday, August 6th (Day 3,182)
Location: James S. Brady Press Room, The White House

Today’s WHPR
1. Resoula Elected President
2. Global News From Russia With Love
3. Xlympic Opening Ceremonies Commence
4. August's Media Team Introduced



Resoula Elected President
SecMed Paul Proteus

In a victory for emo avatars everywhere, Resoula has been decisively elected to the office of President of the eUnited States, beating out longtime Perrier aficionado Tyler Bubblar. The WHPR would like to take this time to congratulate Resoula on his election, and take some time to reflect on his dashing good looks and bold leadership style.


Technically it's not too late for Synesi's surprise admin orchestrated come back

Following a campaign focusing on a strong domestic program, the WHPR is excited to be your go to source for a month of domestic happenings and narrative making. Speaking of narratives, the WHPR is also proud to be the first to report that former-President Yui was recently committed to an asylum after trying to pay for gold in Hamilton impersonations. The current administration has not commented officially, but an anonymous source close to the President has confirmed that a get well card was sent. The lack of attention to the former President is probably due to the incredible domestic programs currently being finalized that are about to be announced. We can't say anything yet, but we hear there are going to be games, and prizes, which is basically our bread and butter, so you should be pretty impatient.


To get the latest information on President Resoula's domestic program, make sure to subscribe to his own paper, Rareonce, and keep up to date on your very own White House Press Report.



Special Daily Foreign Report
Russian Lover and Fighter, Khotko

Republished from another source


Not daily, but definitely foreign...probably special

As US Deputy Secretary of State, I often brief the President and the Cabinet on the development of situation on various foreign theatres. Eastern Europe, of course, is one of my areas of expertise, given my former experience as x5 Russia CP and CoT Secretary General.
Normally such reports are classified, but today's story is public and breathtaking enough to be presented to all American readers. Moreover, given I agreed to help Paul Proteus as Deputy SecMed this term, I feel somewhat obliged to feed our media with new stories.

This one is hilarious enough.
Those of you who are reading my regular franchise, the US Weekly F***D-UP Index, may have noticed that in the Foreign section I paid attention to CP elections in countries of prominence, not excluding Russia.



However, sometimes life proves me wrong.


Ducks bred for one thing...war

As of 23:00 Day 3182 the preliminary results of CP Elections in Russia have changed.
The leading candidate dolz, July Minister of Defense of Russia endorsed by Constitutional Democrats, saw a sharp decrease of voting support from 117 to 86 after the vote check, thus making his result even with the Communist Party and Black Short Party candidate Izvrat, in the most dramatic turn of events, both candidates having 29,45% in the preliminary count.
It should be noted that Izvrat, a longtime runner-up of Russian CP elections in a creepy tradition, is the more senior player, while dolz has a higher level, thus in event of an even result dolz wins anyway, despite losing 31 vote during the recount.



As another eRussian presidential candidate myrevenge mentioned in his fresh article, the Consitutional Democrats party, led by current Minister of Foreign Affairs of Russia nimnul, is reported to have lost at least 9 members after the bot check.


WHPR now with 50% more graphs!

There were also reports of an unnamed Congressman from this party getting banned, however the only permanent banned Russian Parliament member so far I have identified was a 5 time congressman from the Alliance, another Russian party that has backed the government-supported candidate dolz.


Banned for mustache related reasons

Russian citizens later identified two other banned Congressmen: verbanis and westers, reported to represent Constitutional Democrats and Alliance during their mechanized lives.


After the daychange the tally stayed the same: 86-86, thus making dolz the next Russian President for PACIFICA to work with.

Update: CP elections winner dolz announced his intention to leave the game.
Update 2: despite the CP's request for launching an impeachment, it hasn't been launched yet as of 3:00 ERT August, 7. There are also some publicly shared fears about probability of an Izvrat presidency shared by April 2016 CP simust2, indicating that would be a "gameover" for him. It's probable some ruling team members are currently convincing the leaving CP to stay.
Update 3: impeachment launched around 3:10 ERT by a member of one of the parties supporting the self-exiling winner. There are indications it won't pass if some parties force the winner into responsibility to serve his term, thus leaving the country without an acting CP for a time. On the other hand, signals from Russian top parties indicate the runner-up is ready to work as CP, so an impeachment becomes quite possible.



About the World in 180 Words
Paul Proteus: Guy who fought once


Bringing an old generation of okay images to a new generation of the exact same readers

While our imaginary War Reporter is out with the flu, SecMed Paul Proteus is filling in

The Resoula administration also inherited a few regions in the UK. For readers unacquainted, the UK is in Europe like France but lacks hip coffee shops and gourmet food. Still, our brave American troops are making do with what they have.

Our activity in the UK has become a training exercise, allowing Americans to fight, as well as spend time abroad expanding their horizons and such and so forth, which sounds pretty good to us. As activity on the Eastern front continues, this paper will continue to keep you updated


It's blue. But it could definitely stand to be more blue.






Xlympics Opening Ceremonies Awe Nation, Force Americans to Read
Sports Correspondent Paul Proteus

Editor's note: Reporting live from eRio, the WHPR has sent its senior sports correspondents to observe the Opening Ceremonies in all their splendor. It was our entirely monthly allotted budget, but it's worth it to bring our readers the best.

There's nothing to bring a nation together like brutal competition. Especially when Americans are winning, and not those countries in Europe that nobody can remember. Like France. And the best part of the Xlympics, is that it's all Americans winning! United in brutal factional competition based only on party and MU affiliation. Unity! Fun! In a remarkable spectacle described as "several articles" by senior XOC officials, the Xlympic sign up period has expired, however the games are only about to begin.


X! Like on a map or something

Information on the spectacle can be found here. The WHPR must note that this is not a government event, and thus the executive is not responsible for any flesh eating bacteria in the water nor for Hadrian's inevitable burnout.



Introducing the August Media Team
Professional Cat Herder Paul Proteus

The WHPR would first like to extend a hand of gratitude to Custer who has done this job for longer than some of us have been alive. Still, in the spirit of tearing down walls and breaking barriers representing consistency and quality, the WHPR is excited to announce an all star new Media team. Except we're better than most new media teams because we've done this before. A lot. For this reason, we'd also like to thank Resoula for trusting this institution to us.

We'd also like to welcome our new Deputies Revlis Etan and Khotko to the media team. Revlis will presumably be publishing 835, a segment on scitilop, while Khotko will provide a global perspective sorely lacking by the WHPRs' current editorial voice.

Finally Ponies.


God's most majestic creature.

The WHPR is proud to announce the administration's first Executive Order: Ponies (Equus ferus caballus Awesomenus) are now our national animal. That is entirely serious by the way.

What about Ponies? Well, first, they're pretty cool. But beyond that, We're bringing back the Pony Express~


To be honest I'm not sure anyone would really be against this, but deal with it nonetheless

For a long time, the Pony Express has languished, forgotten and unused. A noble service in search of an adequate volume of government articles to highlight. No more. It's finally time for a month of government media fit to break a pony's back.

So keep an eye out for ponies.

Aramec will also continue to explain the back channels of PDB secrecy through his Press Briefings. Every third bowl of WHPR cereal will from this point come with a decoder ring that reverts Aramec's ravings back to the mundane original transcripts.

That's all your WHPR for today. Here's to another great term of executive media.




Your White House Media Team:

Minister of Propaganda, Paul Proteus



Deputy Newsies: revlis and, pending approval by proper apparatchiks, khotko

Official WHPR Conspiracy Theorist: Aramec


Shout this! (you know you want to)

Resoula President! Wool Exports Up!
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/-whpr-day-3182--2608608/1/20
WHPR Day 3182




::: CURRENT NUMBER OF SUBSCRIBERS: Citizens who know what’s good for them. :::