Plato Can't Even

Day 3,308, 11:15 Published in USA USA by Gnilraps

Day 3308 of the New World
December 10, 2016




Denver, CO, eUSA—According to reports, eRepublik guru Plato’s world was torn apart Friday afternoon, as the ePhilosopher was diagnosed with a rare disease that prevents him from having the ability to even.


“I just—I can’t even.” Plato reportedly sobbed on his programmer’s shoulder after noticing how many votes Gnilraps’ latest article had received.


“I can’t even right now. I can’t even, ever.” he was overheard saying through tears before breaking down.


“We’ve never seen a case quite like this before,” Dr. Alexis Bonte told reporters gathered outside the Romanian clinic where Plato’s devastating diagnosis was handed down. “Many eCitizens will experience short bouts of not being able to even for several seconds, often triggered by an update or a headless chicken, or perhaps an interruption in their script’s functionality.”


“But Plato—he may never even again, at least not without assistance,” Bonte said, shaking his head grimly, according to reporters.


Reached for comment, Plato noted that he “still can’t even.”


“I seriously just can’t even, you guys,” he confirmed.





You may now return to your regularly scheduled clicking