Gila Monster Mistaken for Colombian
Day 668, 22:24
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Rheinlander von Phalz
18 September 2009, Day 668 of the New World. PHOENIX – Gila Monsters now pose a greater threat to the American southwest than Colombians according to a recent study. Colombian forces press forward once more into American territory, this time for Lincoln, Nebraska, but are currently being repelled even with DoD orders not yet calling for troops to defend the region.
President Gaius Julius attempted a tactical sleight of hand to gain the initiative against Colombia at the cost of Kansas. Colombian occupation forces now hold the region and the United State did not get the initiative in the war. Four hours ago, a resistance war opened up in the region and freedom fighters are already in control of Topeka and Wichita. America is expected to retake the region through this resistance war.
Colombians are Spanish-speaking people from the South American nation of Colombia. They tend to have yellow markings and carry weapons.
A common marking of a Colombian presence; notice the top, yellow half
Gila monsters are lizards with a venomous bite. They are slow moving and generally feed on eggs and small animals. Their bite contains a small dose of neurotoxin which can constitute a medical emergency but has never been fatal to humans (which is saying something about the threat posed by the Colombians they are sometimes confused for). The lizards are easy to distinguish with their orange-to-yellow scales arranged in patterns.
A public use image of a Gila monster
Gila monsters are protected by state law in Arizona. They are avoidant of humans and not aggressive.
If encountered, Colombians should be fought off with sticks.
President Gaius Julius attempted a tactical sleight of hand to gain the initiative against Colombia at the cost of Kansas. Colombian occupation forces now hold the region and the United State did not get the initiative in the war. Four hours ago, a resistance war opened up in the region and freedom fighters are already in control of Topeka and Wichita. America is expected to retake the region through this resistance war.
Colombians are Spanish-speaking people from the South American nation of Colombia. They tend to have yellow markings and carry weapons.
A common marking of a Colombian presence; notice the top, yellow half
Gila monsters are lizards with a venomous bite. They are slow moving and generally feed on eggs and small animals. Their bite contains a small dose of neurotoxin which can constitute a medical emergency but has never been fatal to humans (which is saying something about the threat posed by the Colombians they are sometimes confused for). The lizards are easy to distinguish with their orange-to-yellow scales arranged in patterns.
A public use image of a Gila monster
Gila monsters are protected by state law in Arizona. They are avoidant of humans and not aggressive.
If encountered, Colombians should be fought off with sticks.
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first! since ill be vacationing in arizona, ill make sure to bring a rifle for the gila monsters. bug spray should work for the colombians. man i hope i dont mix the two up.