Fall of Canada and rise of Greeling

Day 2,317, 17:08 • Published in USA USA • by Trekker Tlumac

With the recent Greeling-nization of what was once Canada the lot of the former Canadians has improved greatly. Of course we knew that would be the case. Who would not love be roved by a benevolent dictator that is Greeling? Well that is the question that burns in most of our minds. How do the everyday ex-nads feel now that Greeling has liberated them from Canadian tyranny?

Well recently I (Trekker Tlumac), a longtime proponent against Canadian tyranny had unprecedented access to some random citizen living in Manigreelba (formerly Manitoba), to gather a native’s take on the good fortune of living under Greeling rule.

Trekker: Hello random citizen

As the interview was unplanned, I spoke this greeting several times to several random citizens before one finally stopped. He was of pretty standard Canadian stock: Five foot ten, short scruffy beard, red flannel jacket, riding a moose with an axe over one shoulder and a tub of maple syrup under the other arm. Clearly on his way home from a pond hockey game. He looked at me with a discerning gaze. It was clear he had no idea what to make of me. This awkward, yet not at all tense moment passed as he decided to respond.
(He looked similar to this, except unkempt)

Random citizen: Eh?

Trekker: Hello random citizen.

Random citizen: Hello then. What’s this all aboot?

That must of have been the warm Canadian hospitality I had always heard so much about. Undaunted I pushed forward.

Trekker: I want to talk to you about Greeling and the annexing of your former country.

At this point the air seemed to jump about fifteen degrees (first by Fahrenheit and then by Celsius) and a hockey pocked smile shone back at me. I knew I had broken through the ice crusted surface of the Canadian’s heart.

Random citizen: Sure, sure. Follow me. I have a mansion near downtown, where we can discuss the savior in comfort.

Being as, even with the fifteen degrees jump, it was still well below zero, I was more than willing to oblige my soon to be host this whim.
(This is a simulation of what I must have looked like)

I followed his moose a short distance to downtown Winnegreelpeg. I was impressed by the infrastructure, three shops and a post office. We came to a log shack that I initially mistook for a barn, but as Random Citizen got off his mount and walked to the door I realized that it must be his “mansion”.
(Canadian Mansion, as seen on approach)

The inside was quite quaint and the host gave me a wonderful Canadian beer, imported from eUSA. After some other pleasantries it was time to get down to business.

Trekker: Judging from the smile earlier, am I to take it that you are in favor of Greeling invading Canada?

Random Citizen: Hah! Oh yes. I thank the stars for the day that Greeling came.

Trekker: Really? What kind of difference has it made in day to day life?

Random Citizen: The glory of Greeling knows no bounds. All things are better. Suddenly life seems to be worth living again.

Trekker: Well that is a little over dramatic.

Random Citizen: No really… Without more Greeling, this place sucks.

Trekker: That much of a difference? Can you explain it to me?

Random Citizen: I mean there was a hole in my life that I never knew could be filled. You just kind of expect that when you grow up in a frozen wasteland, things will suck. Things used to be so bleak up here that really people only had one of three options with how they would live life.

Trekker: What are they?

Random Citizen: Well if you had any kind of marketable skill, you sold your soul and left for warmer places. Doctors, musicians, athletes, actors, and so on, if leaving was an option you would take it. Many trained in such skills for that exclusive purpose.

Trekker: Really? Was that a pathway that actually worked?

Random Citizen: Oh yes. Ever hear of Jim Carrey, Michael J Fox, Alanis Morissette, or Pamela Anderson? All of them are Canadians that got USA citizenship. And there are many more. It is a serious loss to our culture, but who can blame them?

Trekker: So people like Justin Bieber too?

Random Citizen: Erm, you can keep that one. We don’t want her back.

Trekker: Wow… Well that is surprising. I guess not, really. We don't really want her in the USA either. So what was the second possibility for a Canadian?

Random Citizen: The next option is to feel alive in any way possible. This often manifests through risky diplomacy directed at trying to dictate USA foreign policy. Whether it be aligning with Serbia or whining internationally until someone has to listen, it makes some people feel important. They feel alive, at least for a few moments at a time.

Trekker: Ah, risky behavior to feel alive. I think we can all understand that. Who hasn’t jumped off a cliff into the ocean or ran naked past a police station? But trying to force the policies of much bigger and powerful countries is a very dangerous game.

Random Citizen: Exactly.

Random Citizen and I both shudder at the thought and drift into a short silence. One that I break first.

Trekker: So what is the last option for a Canadian before the Great Greeling came?

Random Citizen: It is the most dour, yet common approach to life. People would resign themselves to their lot and welcome the darkness of winter. Embracing it as a reason to sleep for nine months of the year and hope that the future would get brighter.
(Typical Canadian winter home)

Trekker: That does not sound like any kind of life. But all that changed with the invasion of Greeling.

Random Citizen: You better believe it. Life is worth living because of our Greeling overlord.

At this point my gracious host offered me the finest of Canadian cuisine. This of course means poutine and bad whiskey. *COUGH* Canadian Mist *COUGH* All in all the meal was good.
After a few minutes we got back to business.
(poutine)

Trekker: How do you feel about the war, Greeling aside?

Random Citizen: I am ecstatic about it. It is a little known fact that all Canadians secretly wish they were more American by being part of the great USA empire. It is an unfortunate that so many of our dignitaries are unwilling to accept the will of the masses.

Trekker: Really? I never knew any of the populace wanted to be real Americans.

Random Citizen: Oh yes. But we are subjugated. We still would be if not for Greeling and you ‘Mericans.

At this point my host broke down in tears of pure maple syrup.
Now call me tacky, but I know when it is time to move on. With that, I left my gracious, albeit odd Canadian host to his own devices and made my arduous journey home through the wasteland of the north.



Trekk's first article in a while
V/S/C
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/2386235/1/20


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