ESO Legend Award

Day 3,291, 04:16 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by VoodooMike71


Yesterday was a very special day. Something happened the likes of which we haven’t seen in the eUK for a very very long time, if ever.

So strap in, and let me give you some background…


Some background
In a super secret meeting in the super secret ESO HQ bunker, I put a call out for members of the party to spam the media with “9 reasons to join ESO” articles, playing on the current 9th anniversary theme…



As a result, the ever-reliable ESO bastion and current Party Spokesman - Sir Jimmy Savile - answered the call with an article that may well go down in the annals of history...



So far, so good.


What happened next
As part of his article, Jimmy chose to include an offer. That offer stated, quite generously, that anyone who voted and commented on the article would receive 990 Q5 food for their trouble (keeping in with the ninth anniversary theme, obviously). The only people excluded from this kind offer were multies…



And so it began.


The perfect storm
I suspect that Jimmy hadn’t spotted the global shortage and subsequent high prices of Q5 food before posting his article (although he’s well aware of it now). He also underestimated his sheer pulling power and reach when it comes to the media, particularly overseas where … you know … they have lots of people, many of whom are active. Finally, he clearly didn’t realise that offers as generous as his come round once in a blue moon, and it’s been a long time since the last blue moon.

The result was an unprecedented response to his article. Within a mere three hours his article had smashed through the 100 votes barrier, having reached all four corners of the eWorld. Comments were through the roof and, I imagine, Jimmy’s inbox lit up like Blackpool.



The overwhelming response, and Jimmy’s scramble to buy up enough food to satisfy it, crashed servers and sent the markets into meltdown. Brokers were seen throwing themselves out of windows in London, New York and Tokyo, while Q5 food producers couldn't believe their luck and bought up global supplies of champagne and Russian prostitutes.

And all the time the comments and votes kept coming in.


The result
To his eternal credit, Jimmy is trying to honour his pledge to give all voting commenters 990 Q5 food. As a result the UK market is shot to pieces, but looking at prices elsewhere, currently 1.25 CC seems to be about right for Q5 food.

Jimmy has pledged 990 Q5 food for every commenter, and - at the moment - there are about 150 of them. So, 150 x (990 x 1.25) = 185,625 CC. Not bad for a couple of hours’ work 😉



On top of that, Jimmy is doing all this with his customary sense of humour. Although I suspect there’s a certain amount of grinning-and-bearing-it going on…




That’s all very amusing, but why are you claiming that yesterday was a special day?
Good question. For two reasons:

1. 150 votes on an article!
When was the last time you saw that in the UK? I haven't seen that many people engage with an article for a very long time indeed. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it. Even when Goku and Dapper were at the height of their vote buying, they didn’t make it that high.(PS I’m aware of the irony here - effectively Jimmy was vote buying too, but just a little more indirectly)

2. The inaugural ESO Legend Award is born
I can’t let Jimmy’s antics pass without recognition, so - using the powers vested in me as transitory ESO PP - I am taking this opportunity to launch the ESO Legends Award.

So...

- for rashly producing an article that will end up costing you nearly 200 grand
- for resolutely standing by your promise despite the enormous cost
- for failing to put a caveat in there saying it was UK only
- for failing to link any of this to our current ESO recruitment drive
- for crashing markets around the globe
- for giving me the best in-game belly laugh I’ve had in ages
- and - most importantly of all - for continuing to prove beyond all doubt that ESO are far FAR cooler than any other party, because we do sh*t like this


...it is my great pleasure and honour to award you, Sir Jimmy Savile, the first ever ESO Legend Award. Congratulations mate - you deserve it.






PS If you feel like sending Jimmy some cash, Q5 food, or even simply a nice message of congratulations (because I'm sure his inbox is a little quiet at the moment), please feel free to do so. I'm sure it will be appreciated.

PPS I'm guessing that stuff like this doesn't happen in your party, which is why you should join ESO instead.


Touch the finger to join ESO