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Dateline: Thursday, July 24, 2020 (Day 4630)
Location: James S. Brady Press Room, The White House



Articles in the news since last WHPR:

[PotUS] Glowing Eyes of Pink (National Scavenger Hunt)
[State] Decoding the Way Forward
WhydoIbotherToo Become CO of EZC



White House Press Briefing:





This is a narrative prelude to an exciting integrated government media event (tm) so keep your eyes peeled for official government media to participate and win prizes.

Patient Zero

Last week - The White House Basement
The Whitehouse basement had always been drafty, DMJ thought to himself, but it was also the only part of the Whitehouse that was soundproofed, and thus, the only place where any work could be done. Construction had just begun on a new presidential roller coaster ("If Derphoof had a bowling alley, I need something at least twice as obnoxious. We'll just call it community building, there's a budget for that, right?" Tyler had declared, gesturing grandiloquently), and meetings in the Oval Office had devolved into chaos as DMJ screamed to be heard over the cacophony.

Still, while the basement was quieter, it came with certain occupational hazards as well. Right now, that meant that while DMJ was trying to go over Tyler's new domestic policy plans with KingTaco, they had to do so adjacent to several bicycles, presumably belonging to previous presidents, Jewitt's old soda collection (which, gross), and an assortment of tubes and wires that looked like a mad scientist's laboratory of uncertain origin. As DMJ listened to KingTaco discuss a new media strategy with Harambe, the new SecMed, he tried to ignore the strange smelling vapors rising from the assorted beakers and Erlenmeyer flasks. Still, DMJ thought, it was par for the course with this administration. Chaos could be good, he rationalized. There were some upsides to the basement. For one, Paul didn't know they were there, which was good, because paying out various life insurance policies was becoming a burden on the American tax payer. Additionally, Yui had immediately claimed the science fair project from the black lagoon, saying something about how with help from some older players, he thought he could use it to revive CODE a la Frankenstein. DMJ hadn't fully understood, but immediately helped make Yui SG of CODE, because that seemed as good a foreign policy plan as any.

Anyway, as DMJ was engaging in this involved interior monologue, he heard a loud crash at the door. "Hey, guys? Guys? I brought Pizza!" came the whiny tone of the unlovable Press Secretary. "God dammit who told Paul we were here," DMJ said. Krapis looked around sheepishly, "I felt bad, okay?" The conversation was immediately interrupted as Paul tripped on a spot of grease that had leaked from the massive stack of Hawaiian pizzas he was balancing, and fell down the many many many steps, before crashing into the precariously placed beakers of unknown substances, which fell with a resounding crash. DMJ began to sigh, if Paul had died again.... "I'm okay!" Great. Paul was fine. But the last chance to save CODE via mad science had been destroyed. Eh, fine by me, DMJ thought warily.

Yesterday - The White House Nurse's Office
Aersidius felt slightly deceived. At first he had been excited to be appointed to SCI. It seemed like a cool club. Besides, it wasn't like SCI was doing anything these days. So, cool membership cards, back rooms to smoke comically large cigars, seemed like a win/win. Nobody had told him that the most junior member of SCI also had to work as the White House Doctor. I mean, what sense did that make? SCI was a congress thing. Maybe. He really needed to reread the code. Oh well, it's not like anyone ever came in. It was a browser game after all. Suddenly, and with great narrative convenience and irony, the door swung open and a sickly looking Paul Proteus stumbled in.

"Something's wrong with me doc, I think I'm dying. I knew I never should have opened everyone's Congress presentation. Who does that anymore?" Paul managed to warble, his eyes bloodshot. Aersidius looked down at the flowchart he had been given when given the job. Hmmm...probably not drugs, he thought, Paul's not cool enough for that. Doesn't look like...uh...Kleine–Levin syndrome. Ah conjunctivitis, this looks right.

"It's uh just pinkeye, you're fine. Try to not touch your eye or...share eye cosmetics" Aersidius added helpfully. Paul looked relieved and left. Aersidius took out his phone, it was time to finally try this tetris thing everyone was talking about.

One hour ago - The White House Basement
Yui grumbled. He had been psyched to explore the various potions and abominations of science that he had used in the past to try to keep alliances alive. He had had to contact so many people to help make the necessary potions just right, and Yui hated talking to people. What was the point of being SecGen anyway if you couldn't experiment with creating life. He wasn't a monster, he was just a Frankenstein. Anyway, no use crying over spilled formaldehyde. Yui quietly swept up the shattered instruments, and went out back to dispose of them. "Eh, properly disposing of chemicals is a pain, this haunted graveyard will probably be fine," he thought.

As he walked away, proud of his laziness, BTS blasting through his headphones, an eerie and horrible moan could be heard from the ground.

Right now - The Oval Office
Tyler looked at his assorted cabinet members, all sitting listening raptly to zRTx's presentation on the market for currency. A fascinating subject, he thought. Everyone was taking notes and eagerly chiming in, except for Paul Proteus, who looked...not great. His eyes were both extremely bloodshot and he was beginning to smell...more than usual. To say nothing of the soft groaning. Was that "gains?" "drains?" Tyler wasn't sure, but something was definitely wrong.

It was then that Paul stood from his chair, very rudely interrupting Molly Emma's comment-more-than-a-question on the value of gold, and shakily began to stumble toward Tyler...

TO BE CONTINUED...





Pinkeye eRepublik Infection Event

In the Pinkeye “zombie” infection event, citizens will complete
various challenges that lead them to various eUSA leaders (or
citizens) to get rewards and tokens to redeem on the eUSA website
for Infection Points! These Infection points can then be turned in for
bigger prizes, listed below in the prize area.

In publications such as the WHPR, POTUS, DoI, and Press Briefing there will be riddles and trivia as well as the names of 3 possible leads. Citizens will
private message these people with a possible answer to their riddle
if they find the right person and the right answer they will get a set
amount of food of a certain type, different for every ‘endpoint’ but
never an even amount. Say, Romero is assigned ‘The more you
take, the more you leave behind. What am I?’ users will message
Romero with their answer, ‘Footsteps.’ He will congratulate them,
donate the assigned ‘key’ - let’s say in this case 144 Q2 food. The
citizen will then go to the DoI website and turn in their ‘key’ by
entering their UserID and the amount they were given. This will give
them an Infection Point.

From the DoI website, they can view how many Infection Points they have, and view the available prizes. If they wish to cash in on a prize, they will message KingTaco in eRepublik with the prize they wish and I will remove the Points from
their account and donate the prize. The top 3 players at the end of
the event will win larger prizes on top of their earned prizes!

Top 3 prizes:
First place: $10 pack
Second place: $250,000cc
Third place: $100,000cc

Infection Point store:
1 Point: 200 Q5 food (or equivalent)
2 Points: 500 Q5 food (or equivalent)
OR $1000cc
3 Points: 1000 Q5 food (or equivalent)
OR $2500cc
4 Points: 500 Q7 food (or equivalent)
OR $4000cc
5 Points: 1000 Q7 food (or equivalent)
OR $9000cc
6 Points: $12,000cc
10 Points: $20,000cc

Rules:

1. Citizens can only enter the same key once, IPs will be
tracked with their UserIDs to help with multi-usage. Its
unlikely 2 people would enter the same key one after
another in a short period of time.

2. Citizens cannot share their answers with other citizens,
and posting answers in the comments of an article will
result in a loss of eligibility to play.

3. Citizens are encouraged to hold a longer conversation
with officials, as they *may* be given a second key to hand
out worth more Infection Points that they are allowed to
give out at their discretion!

4. All citizens are required to give KingTaco a backrub.

How do you get Infection points?
In the Press somethingorrather, Yui’s science experiment was
ruined by fucking Paul. He can’t be bothered to come up with a cure to the infection that was released by the experiment.

Various ‘scientists’ have parts to the experiment when Yui
reached out to his colleagues. To get the cure, you must speak with these scientists to get pieces of the cure, but they can’t just share their work with anyone! You need their code word so they can trust you! Solve the riddle/question and talk with the right scientist to gain their part.



WhydoIbotherToo has been promoted to Commanding Officer of EZ Company. The White House would like to extend its congratulations to him on a well deserved promotion!



~King Harambe