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Monsieur Guillontine for Congress! (November 2013)

Day 2,196, 00:30 • Published in Switzerland

• by Monsieur Guillontine

Salut madams and monsieurs,

That's right! I am running for Congress this month, and yes, I am ready to give it my all.

Why you should vote for me:

1. I speak French better than French people
2. I give people free baguettes
3. I have character: my name is misspelled

What I will do as an elected Congressman:

1. Spread the word of His Holiness
2. Use federal funds to build personal French bakeries for everyone
3. Make French the official language of Switzerland

On a serious note though, I do strongly feel that I have all the qualities and talents needed to be an excellent Congressman.

I have served as:

- Country President for 4 terms
- Vice President for 4 terms
- Minister of Foreign Affairs for 4 terms
- Chairman of Congress for 5 terms
- Congressman for 12 terms
- Party President for 15 terms

I really don't see what more there is to prove about my capabilities. I know that some of you don't care about experience though, so to appeal to you other folks, here's an added bonus: if I am elected into Congress, I promise that I will do 100 jumping jacks at the top of the Eiffel Tower. So remember my fellow baguette-lovers, make the right choice and VOTE for Monsieur Guillontine!