I found a cockaroach in my shoe

Day 2,037, 14:26 • Published in USA USA • by Emerick

I reached down into my shoe to scratch an itch. It was a tingly itch, the kind that's almost a tickle. My right foot. Slightly lower than the ankle. So I reach my fat little #American fingers into my #nikes, reach over my #adidas socks, and dug my fingers down into my crunchy skin.

Wait. I'm not an insect.

Confused and bewildered, I brought my fingers up to my beady little #American eyes. Staring through the dirty polycarbonate plastic on my #calvinklein glasses, I examined the bits of brown and splatter of brownish-green on my fingers. Using process of elimination, I concluded that the material must have come from inside of my show.

I shrieked at the realization.

Quikly though, I regained composure. #Yeezus knows what's inside of my shoe - an infestation; a giant tarantula and her killings; or even worse than either previous option, a bug foot, connected to a bug leg, connected to a bug torso. I broke out into a cold sweat. I hadn't looked at my belly in at least 15 hours. And even longer for my legs. In fact, the only body parts I recall seeing any time recently had been my arms and #manhood.

The prospect of being gradually transformed into a bug with a human penis from the ground up worried me immensely. I cannot understate the trepidation I felt at that moment. Although, on the other hand, I could probably crawl up buildings like #trumptowers and win seriously awesome fights. I hoped that my exoskeleton would harden. I don't want to be the world's largest insect and have an exoskeleton of candy-coating. I probably couldn't intimidate very many world leaders once the word got out that I could be destroyed with spitballs.

More worried about my future than I've ever been since I graduated high school in New Jersey. I sit down on the concrete I had just woken up on and look down at my shoes in absolute dread. What's going to happen when I open them up? What will I find? Where will I go from here? Where am I?

My mind raced in three hundred and #onedirection as I tentatively reached towards my shoes - on the other side of my body. I reached out as far as I could, and when I found out that my arms could only get my hands out to slightly above my knees and my #levi jeans.

　　　　　　COW　　EATING　　　　JACKAL　　　　　OF　　　　 WALL　 STREET

My mind went into a tailspin. I could feel my head pounding. Three hundred years of knowledge came into my consciousness while I felt myself falling in love with my first kiss all over again and I feltmyself fall into the natural surroundings and also I felt my head hurt because I fell backwards and it might be bleeding. I touched it but when I look at my hand again, I'm not even sure what colors are what and it's all meshed together anyways so let's not talk about that anymore.

So I was working on something, I'm sure.

But WHAT!?

Lord of Pakistan, I wince in pain and I feel a sharp pain on my foot.

What the spaniard is going on here and also where am I? Forget my whereabouts, this foot issues is killing me here.

So I kick my shoe off and a swede-loving GIANT BROWN MONSTER WITH FOURTEEN LEGS jumped out of my gorram shoe!

I was like, "ew."

But I still don't know where I am.

LSD is a hell of a drug.