Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail

Day 4,883, 21:37 • Published in USA USA • by What A Guy


With 14% turnout, incumbent eUSA president Herr Vootsman has edged out complete apathy by 6 votes to 2 in the SFP presidential primary.

While we see other parties trumpeting his similar showing in their various primaries, there's nothing to be proud of here. Herr Vootsman has inherited an awful global situation, to be sure, one that previous leaders ran from in fear. We admire his tenacity in stepping forward. But that confidence has not translated into results. We do not believe that his administration has risen to the challenges before us, perhaps not even recognizing our true position.

Politically, the president faces no real opposition, as the usually boastful party leaders of the right don't know how to deal with what's happening to eUSA either. So we expect the Vootsmeister-General to cruise to a second term even as the country is collapsing. As he founders in the Oval Office, Congress has descended into some kind of cellar dweller feces-production contest, and the White House staff brings new meaning to "Discord server."

We hope that the second Vootsy administration will consider a significant restructuring, emphasizing experience over loyalty, and delegating military matters to seasoned operatives. It may be too late to save America, but there's no reward for those who don't try.

As for the mental midgets rearranging the deckchairs in Congress in the midst of this crisis, you will be answering charges of crimes against humanity when the People's Tribunals are set up in Tompkins Square Park.

May Marx bless our troops!


The president visits Camp David.