The introduction of Pirates

Day 1,017, 03:44 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Sir Humphrey Appleby
Apparently having various models on the front of your article gives you more votes. I like to think that my readers are the more intelligently focused ones, but the odd vote won't hurt.


"BBC News: 'Plus size women worth £10bn to the fashion industry'
Nothing compared to what they're worth to the food industry..."

It is often the subject of my inane musings, of which there are many, on different and divisive ways in which this game could be saved from the harbingering inactivity that now strikes every government and country from here in eLondon to eMogadishu. And then it struck me, similarly no doubt to Isaac Newton and his apple, why not add an eSomalia into the threadbare equation of the mechanics of eRepublik? I shall endeavour to justify my thoughts in the remaining contents of this article.

Firstly, we must look to the growing developments of the game itself. People are quitting because it is no longer fun to play, and what’s worse – the markets are beginning to stabilize. The admins don’t particularly like this because people start making gold in the markets rather than buying them. Glimmers of hope for the world’s population are found in the manufacturing industries; whilst the construction industries are safely ruined with outrageous requirements made to even create their products. Less people are buying gold because they can make a food company easily enough and live off the profits.

The addition of eSomalian pirates would help in destabilizing these markets. I remember buying a food company of which the previous owner had very reasonably bought a market license in eThailand (of which, upon close examination I couldn’t actually sell anything because they, like most of the world, had no money either). Shipping goods across the world at the click of a button is fairly uncreative; however dodging speedboats along the world’s seas could have its fair share of disasters and entertainment. A tank company in South America could ship 20 of their finest creations to India, only to find Cptn. Jack Sparrow of the Black Pearl respectfully intervening.

Your cargo to eThailand has been intercepted and captured. All in all, most of your staff have been shot and it's a general nightmare all round. However, you can pay a small and reasonable fee of 5 gold to find out which nutter did it.

People could abandon normal citizenship and become pirates. You could wonder around the seas and world highways looking for merchant caravans & vessels and decide to go for it. You could even band together your own band of pirates, buy a ship for a ton of gold and threaten an entire country by blockading them from all shipments altogether! I know I’d have a ton of fun sitting outside eThailand and get some of my former company’s goods back into the family. It might give Maddog’s inept band of pink-clothed morons a genuinely reasonable job to do as well.

General Managers could hire bounty hunters to roam about the world looking for particularly annoying pirates and remove them from the equation altogether. People would be spending fortunes of gold just to become a world renowned pirate or simply to protect their goods. Either way, the admins will be very happy indeed.



Final Joke

I keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia.
-Which is the one about being in a closet?

Yours, as always (in the grim hopes you'll vote and subscribe),


Sir Humphrey Appleby MP, PP, uMoT, uMoA, MiD, SAS, QC, GCB, KBE, MVO, MA (Oxon)
Party President of the United Kingdom Reform Party

P.S.

I'm starting a little 'letters to the editor' thing going on, so send me your comments on various developments going on in the eWorld and if they're witty enough, I'll add them in my next article.