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It’s that time of the month again!


That’s right! The insanity of Congressional Elections!

As we near the intolerable date of the 25th of the month, an inevitable surge of rubbish erupts over the world’s media. Promises for hospitals, the second coming of Ghandi and indeed the repeal of drinking age restrictions emerge from the sea of decrepitude that is eRepublik’s farcical attempt at democracy. And know the average voter; they’ll probably fall for it.

So how, pray, can we rid our broken society of these menacing spin doctors; these fools and barbarians? How can we rebuild our countries into something we can truly be embarrassed about? Which unnecessary emotion shall we use as a political sledgehammer this month, to rid ourselves of these serious politicians in their gilded palaces, gloating about their superior intellect?


King: One day lad, all this will be yours...
Prince: What, the curtains?

Simple, we elect an idiot who won’t take their nonsense! Down with the intellectuals!

But how do we do that, I hear you ask...?

Well, as a matter of fact, on a completely unrelated note e.t.c. e.t.c...

I’m running for the congressional elections in Bonnie Scotland!


Groundskeeper Willie: Come on ya pansies, I've seen fiercer fights in parliament
Sideshow Mel: What is this, prime minister's question time?

Genuine Authentic Manifesto Promises (citation needed)

Domestic:
-Burn down Manchester
-Reintroduce the death penalty for dirty southerners
-Sainthood for Braveheart & Rob Roy
-Remove tax on all cheap cider to help aide Scottish culture
-Mandatory kilt wearing for all men, women must wear alternative silly clothes
-Ban on sandcastles

Foreign Policy:
-Bomb the Isle of Man
-Be Irrelevant on the world stage
-Successfully invade Iceland
-Get drunk at EU summits and attempt to impregnate the Canadians
-Wave a claymore about at countries that have a higher health standard (all of them)

As your average Scot doesn’t understand the economy, I shall instead fill in this section with something mildly patriotic to Scottish people.

Economy:


So there you have it, good people of the world! Vote Sir Humphrey Appleby in Scotland for the Parliamentary Elections!



All the best,


Sir Humphrey Appleby SAS, QC, GCB, KBE, MVO, MA (Oxon) - UKRP Leadership
Prime Ministerial Press Secretary and Judicial Appellate.