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Day 5376
1. Nailbiter Election Concludes as Proteus Roars Into a Second Term
2. How to make a fortune in eRepublik.



Proteus Roars Into a Second Term, But...
In a nailbiter to end all nailbiters, blues aficianado and all-round swell fellow Paul Proteus of the Federalist Party managed to survive an unexpectedly exciting electoral roller-coaster of a Presidential election when a challenge arose from a never-before-heard-of party emerging from the oddest of unknown corners.

The long-thought-have-been-defunct Yugo Space Program rose up to challenge the incumbent. The sole member and Presidential hopeful of the mysterious Yugo SPP, a vapidly platitudinous cornball of a flightless cold-water seabird, stood bravely, silently in stern opposition to the wall of politicos arrayed against them.

Without a single sign of the occasionally bathetic series of bromiads traditionally launched by certain flightless acquatic birds, lacking even a hint of the jejune, moth-eaten and hokey accusations e-WhiteHouse-watchers have become a bit worn out with with over the years, this time the perpetual challenger was -- apparently -- backed up by the potential availability of Southern Slavic space-rocketry. The threat posed by such a timeworn, dare one say, mildewed cliché kept election-watchers up until the wee hours wondering when said rocket would take off, potentially dashing the hopes of the four-party coalition supporting Proteus.


For an in-depth, if metaphorical, analysis of this month's exciting e-USA Presidential election campaign, please review this important video.



In the end, Proteus crushed the opposition, winning almost 60% of the total vote. But the astounding 10% that went to a hackneyed great auk proposing a surrealistic rocket salad, will not soon be forgotten.


When President Proteus was asked for his response to the solid showing by this challenger from way out in the cold, he responded, as he does so often, with a humorous musical response...











There is nothing wrong with your WHPR video feed...
Do not touch your dial or punch any buttons or submit any tickets...

This is a message from the Harambist Emergency Response Network.


Nation Rescued from Theocracy!! For Now...

^{A poor, frightened Harambist anticipating the Dioist Ascendancy}

As sensationally reported in a shocking exposé in these very pages not so long ago, a plot to resinstate a Dioist theocracy in the e-USA was exposed by... well... by a dear friend of the White House gardener, while he was away being busy and stuff.


We are happy to report that, following a completely peaceful series of scream-in's held by hopped-up hordes of Harambists, the elitist super-geeks who have controlled everything since time immemorial have backed away from their once-again-so-typically-nefarious plot against religious freedom, which had been scheduled to go into effect, covered in darkness, obscured -- as the saying goes -- by the frogs of war, just before the election.


So, citizens, friends, players of all persuasions, you can sleep peacefully tonight knowing that the nation is safe -- for now -- from the dire depridations of a decadent ex cathedra Dioist magisterium. Stay vigilant, kiddos. And remember. No matter what happens. Harambe is watching. Always watching. He is with us.


This has been an important message from the Harambist Emergency Response Network.

We will now return you to your regular WHPR feed...








How to Make a Fortune in eRepublik

^{Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.}


The tireless investigative staff at WHPR has discovered that a wise old talking turtle resides in one of the less well-maintained ponds on the grounds of the Kentucky White House. This distinguished old leatherback cooter evidently joined the game in 2008, making him one of the oldest players still active in the game. Since then, he has managed to make it all the way to level 28, an accomplishment in the Zen of Doing-Nothingness that makes our CP, PP, seem like an over-achiever, eh?


After providing the creature with a number of nibbles of tasty morsels, promises of more, and doing a virtuoso performance of blues standards for him, he graciously agreed to be interviewed. To our surprise, he was well-versed in all aspects of the game. He'd simply chosen to stand by, in his pond, taking it all in all these years, rather than participate in all the silliness.



Furthermore, he refused to take any questions and simply started babbling at us, albeit at a rather slow pace. The following is a record of what the wicked old slowpoke had to say...


"Study the game mechanics as though you will never see them again, as if you may some day lose access to the rules of the game." This was followed by a long period of slow turtle laughter.

"Regarding your leaders, do not deceive them, even if you have to offend them. Cultivated players can harmonize without imitating. Never worry about other players not knowing you or getting how you play the game; worry that you do not know what they are doing."

"Make learning you reason for playing. A heroic player is one who does what they can. Remember that everything changes and nothing stays the same. Regard all players as equal."

"There is success and there is the appearance of success. Good advice is the same thing as good timing. Don't hesitate to change what's not working."

"It's better to be a good loser than a bad winner. The secret of getting ahead is getting started."


With that, he waddled off, humming the tune to "The Thrill is Gone", and dove under a log.








xoxoxo - Until next time, stay free 'cause you know I'm free, free now baby, Oh I'm free, free from your spell, oh yeah, unh-hunh, and now that it's all over, all I can do is... wish you well. -- PQ