Another extremely dull and uninteresting congressional manifesto
Day 1,099, 08:29
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by Sir Humphrey Appleby
Good afternoon good people of London!
It is, unfortunately, the time of the month where I must insist on plaguing you with yet another manifesto, listing off unachievable goals and a generally George Michael high optimism of what shall be done this next congressional month. I shall be standing as the front-runner for the United Kingdom Reform Party, which is jolly lovely.
* BMThatcher (cgiirc@Rizon-D2823E42.range109-154.btcentralplus.com) has joined #eukhoc
* [
* BMThatcher was kicked by [
So I’m going to be slightly mad this month round. I do hope you can entrust your electoral mandate unto the very reasonable policies outlined below:-
Domestic Policy:
-Bomb Caravans with the jets we were planning to scrap,
-Make Essex the capital, for the lulz,
-Replace Westminster Abbey with a giant brothel, so our royals are forced to marry there,
-Legalise walking on water, so to encourage potential messiahs to come forth,
-Free hot meals for aristocrats,
-Force rap artists to fit the word ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’ into their songs,
-Give kids a comprehensive education, to make up for their comprehensive education.
Economic Policy:
-Declare the pound to be immutable, and thus extremely more sophisticated than other currencies,
-Literally melt down Irish banks,
-Replace our official currency with chocolate coins, to help encourage confidence in our economy,
-Threaten to send a gunboat to banker’s office’s if they give themselves a bonus of over £100Bil,
-Cut benefits to mimes, and hang them upside-down in public prisons where they will be forced to read a sign stating ‘read the words’ (kudos to Thrachett for that one).
Foreign Policy:
-Nuke Poland, and launch an early immigration cap to prevent attacks on London,
-Challenge the Canadian Prime Minister to a pub fight, motherwell rules,
-Launch an embargo on American Burgers to prompt a swift economic crisis there,
-Place a limit on how long Keram’s foreign policy reports can be,
-Partition British overseas territories, so they’re too busy fighting themselves to fight us,
-Invade Europe, to help promote harmony and peace amongst the fellowship of free nations.
I’ve recently received an interview request from King’s College in Cambridge to study politics, so obviously all of the above must be extremely intellectual and right.
Oh, and the 25th of November (election day) will be my 18th Birthday. Send me a present, send me a vote
Yours,
Maj-General Sir Humphrey Appleby MP, MiD x2, SAS, QC, GCB, KBE, MVO, MA (Oxon)
Commander of the Home Guard,
Current MP for London,
Former Cabinet Secretary for the eUK,
Former British Minister of Foreign Affairs and Trade.
It is, unfortunately, the time of the month where I must insist on plaguing you with yet another manifesto, listing off unachievable goals and a generally George Michael high optimism of what shall be done this next congressional month. I shall be standing as the front-runner for the United Kingdom Reform Party, which is jolly lovely.
* BMThatcher (cgiirc@Rizon-D2823E42.range109-154.btcentralplus.com) has joined #eukhoc
* [
😁] sets mode: +b *!*@Rizon-D2823E42.range109-154.btcentralplus.com
* BMThatcher was kicked by [
😁] (You are not permitted to be on this channel.)
So I’m going to be slightly mad this month round. I do hope you can entrust your electoral mandate unto the very reasonable policies outlined below:-
Domestic Policy:
-Bomb Caravans with the jets we were planning to scrap,
-Make Essex the capital, for the lulz,
-Replace Westminster Abbey with a giant brothel, so our royals are forced to marry there,
-Legalise walking on water, so to encourage potential messiahs to come forth,
-Free hot meals for aristocrats,
-Force rap artists to fit the word ‘antidisestablishmentarianism’ into their songs,
-Give kids a comprehensive education, to make up for their comprehensive education.
Economic Policy:
-Declare the pound to be immutable, and thus extremely more sophisticated than other currencies,
-Literally melt down Irish banks,
-Replace our official currency with chocolate coins, to help encourage confidence in our economy,
-Threaten to send a gunboat to banker’s office’s if they give themselves a bonus of over £100Bil,
-Cut benefits to mimes, and hang them upside-down in public prisons where they will be forced to read a sign stating ‘read the words’ (kudos to Thrachett for that one).
Foreign Policy:
-Nuke Poland, and launch an early immigration cap to prevent attacks on London,
-Challenge the Canadian Prime Minister to a pub fight, motherwell rules,
-Launch an embargo on American Burgers to prompt a swift economic crisis there,
-Place a limit on how long Keram’s foreign policy reports can be,
-Partition British overseas territories, so they’re too busy fighting themselves to fight us,
-Invade Europe, to help promote harmony and peace amongst the fellowship of free nations.
I’ve recently received an interview request from King’s College in Cambridge to study politics, so obviously all of the above must be extremely intellectual and right.
Oh, and the 25th of November (election day) will be my 18th Birthday. Send me a present, send me a vote
😛.
Yours,
Maj-General Sir Humphrey Appleby MP, MiD x2, SAS, QC, GCB, KBE, MVO, MA (Oxon)
Commander of the Home Guard,
Current MP for London,
Former Cabinet Secretary for the eUK,
Former British Minister of Foreign Affairs and Trade.
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Comments
Huzzah.
votato!
This strange and mysterious man is endorsed by the Civil Service (which consists of one strange and mysterious man).
ROFL!
Focussing on my specialization, economics, I understand you want to declare the pound - which will be replaced by chocolate coins (side note: great idea!) - immutable to get it more sophisticated.
So that will eventually result in "extremely more sophisticated chocolate"? How will eBelgium react to that?!
SHA for muchess!