Always look on the bright side of life

Day 965, 06:47 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Sir Humphrey Appleby
“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
-Sir Winston Churchill

So as one is slowly fragmenting over the edge of destruction, as the final pennies in the bottom of the jar run out; as I slowly make my way to the job centre to find there’s still no work for an old master of mechanics – and mumble naturally about the lack of admin updates regarding my last article, I would certainly lament a week’s holiday to Greece I’ll be departing for on Wednesday morning. God knows what I’ll find when I get back when the war module comes out...


What was formerly my Westminster abode

Politics will have undergone another revolution in every country under the sun (apart from Scotland) and reverted to the wickedry and savagery of an evil oppressor of the people, the House of Lords...


The very evil Jhorlin who wants a House of Lords to help oppress the people, apparently

And when the last river has dried up, and when the last tree has been felled. When the last fish has been caught, due to the overwhelmingly imbalanced raw materials/consumption system, then we will learn we cannot eat money.


...But admins can!

So as you’re on your way back from a gym whose !! fees have mysteriously been paid off, always think of this classic ending from ‘Monty Python and the Life of Brian’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ&feature=related

"Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And...

Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)
Always look on the light side of life (whistle)
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing

When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing
And...

Always look on the bright side of life... (whistle)
Come on!
Always look on the bright side of life... (whistle)

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow

So always look on the bright side of death (whistle)
Just before you draw your terminal breath (whistle)
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

And always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life (whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life (whistle)"


A newly contented citizen

Final Joke
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"


Yours, as always,


Sir Humphrey Appleby QC, GCB, KBE, MVO, MA (Oxon) - UKRP Leadership
Prime Ministerial Prime Secretary and Judicial Appellate.