A very humble observation.

Day 1,030, 09:59 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Sir Humphrey Appleby
I don't even know what street Canada is on.
-Al Capone


Canadian philosophy

It’s quite common now for a humble Briton such as I to, every now and again, check our ever enlightening national media to see which silly foreigner has attempted to troll our foreign policy this week. Ever since I become the British Minister of Foreign Affairs, the contextual information has been a tad bit ironic. But the inaccuracy of most of these articles, especially from foreign ministers themselves, isn’t the worst aspect of these morale wars that we so arduously wage; it’s the sheer lack of creativity.

A good troll is one that can make both sides of the fence laugh; a bad troll is one that appeals to the sweaty masses of the country it originates from. Ignorant people on the streets and shuffling out of the cabinet room, smirking over one irrelevant insult after another. It is beside the point that our Prime Minister, Jamesw, sniffs a couple of dodgy substances on the weekend. It is beside the point that our esteemed Chancellor, Margaret H Thatcher, is probably going to end up a victim of the pope’s visit to the UK – The fact of the matter is that they do a very good job indeed.

One of the annoying attributes of the Canada war was that they still continue to barrage our media with “lulz u lost and thus, are forthrightly britfags”. The humble truth of the situation is that their government is now almost completely bankrupt and the inefficiency of their Irish allies lead to the entertaining coup d’état of their government. Furthermore, Canada was only able to make such prestigious advances due to the differences in timezones, thus becoming the main benefactors of our Lord Admins’ completely inability to foresee the unfairness of Britain having to fight at 4 in the morning.

Nonetheless, I welcome decent trolls to the British media as some of them are very well turned out.


Canadian Foreign Policy summed up very well.

Final Joke

A man walks into a Library and says, "Oi *****. I want a ******* book to learn some ******* Spanish. Where the **** are they?"

Librarian says, "There's no need for that language, sir!"

He says, "You're probably right. They all speak English anyway."

Yours, as always,


Sir Humphrey Appleby MP, PP, MoFA, MoT, MiD, SAS, QC, GCB, KBE, MVO, MA (Oxon)
British Minister of Foreign Affairs, Minister of Trade