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Good morning,

Potpourri

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"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit
next to me."

-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth



Jokes

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Two friends went out to dinner. They were reading through the menu,
when one friend remarked to the other that scientists say 'we are
what we eat.'

The other friend replied, "I don't know if that's true or not, but let's
err on the side of caution and order something rich!"

-o-o-o-o-

Barack and Michelle are at the White Sox baseball game sitting in the
first row with the Secret Service seated directly behind the president.
One of the Secret Service agents leans forward and says something to the
president.

stares at the agent, looks at Michelle, looks back at the agent, and
shakes his head no. The agent then says, “Mr. President, it was a
request from the team owner who is a big campaign contributor and the
fans will love it”!

So, Barack shrugs and says, “Well, if it will help my poll numbers.”

He gets up, grabs Michelle by her collar and the seat of her pants, and
throws her right over the railing into the field. She gets up kicking,
screaming and swearing.

The crowd goes wild; cheering, applauding, and high-fiving. Barack is
bowing and smiling, and leans over to the agent and says “You were
right. I would have never believed that”!

Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, Barack asks what was
wrong. The agent replies, “Sir, I said they want you to throw out
the first PITCH!"

-o-o-o-o-

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doctor, my arm hurts bad. Can you check
it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk,
"Hello Doctor, could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate"

The doctor says, "Aha! I see the problem. your arm is broke!"

-o-o-o-o-

NEVER, ever, knock on Death's door!