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Jokes

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When my mother was called for jury service, she felt confident of her
ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. Since I
am an attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.

Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is
a lawyer."

As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of
an attorney.

"Only to mow my lawn," she answered.

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* In a Maine restaurant:
"Open seven days a week and weekends."

* On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church"

* Outside a country shop in West Virginia:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

* A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
"Do not activate with wet hands."

* In the offices of a New Jersey loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

* On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is
impassable."

* On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut:
"No trespassing without permission."

* In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"

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A patient at the dental office where I was a receptionist stopped by my
desk to pay her bill. She began rummaging through her purse, as so many
patients did, when they had a check to write.

"Do you need a pen?" I asked, offering her the use of mine.

"Yes, thank you," she replied.

She took it, put it in her handbag and proceeded to pay in cash.

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The best thing about getting old is that all those things you
couldn't have when you were young you no longer want.