[AB] Breaking News! This Just In!

Day 1,199, 07:53 • Published in Finland Finland • by Erwin Schauman

Note! This article purposefully parodies the current events a la FoxNews.

It does not attempt to insult anyone, and is only meant to get a couple of cheap laughs of the absurdity of the drama!

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Good evening!

This is the Aurora Borealis News and I am your anchor for tonight, Gary Climax!

Yesterday, at approximately 15.00 eRepublik standard time, a series of ruthless terrorist attacks were made against the ruling regime's important supply convoys throughout the world. Although the attacks were swiftly repulsed by the government forces, the fires of revolution they caused are rapidly spreading with new attacks taking place all around the globe.

The total number of casualties is still unknown but the preliminary figures so far indicate 9 confirmed permanent deaths and numerous serious injuries. The casualty count is likely to be higher and to grow as the conflict escalates.


Rioters take to the streets and attack the establishment

Shortly after the attacks an underground organization calling itself the Global Liberation Army” took full responsibility for the strikes, and the GLA leaders, who wish to remain anonymous, gave this ominous statement in the Al-Shakira television network:


”Sons and daughters of eRepublik,

This much we vow.

The history of these days will be written in blood! By crushing the supply lines of our enemy, by using their own weapons against them, we were fighting for our very survival! If there are those who would deny us peace; refuse us our rightful place in the eRepublik; then we will unleash such terrible vengeance that generations yet unborn will cry out in anguish!

One vision! One purpose! Peace through power!

-GLA”




In the past, the Global Liberation Army has been accused of numerous attacks against the government, including the organizing of protests against the alleged corruption and money laundering committed by the government. It is officially labeled by the State Intelligence Service as a global terrorist cell and a criminal organization.

Much of the GLA's origins are shrouded in mystery. In its pamphlets it claims to stand for civil rights, liberty from oppression and freedom of speech, but it seems to try to reach these otherwise noble goals through violence and acts of terrorism towards the general public.

Yesterday, several of the GLA leading figures, whom held shockingly high seats in eRepublik, revealed themselves to the public, causing worry over the organizations true extend and power. The organization also seems to enjoy vast popular support among the poorer, rural population.



Plato, our beloved leader and all around swell guy, had this to say in response to the attacks and the brewing rebellion:


”Few governments offer its citizens the possibility to express their thoughts. Of course, we all have to also respect some rules, in order to keep a level of decency in our society.

But when some of the players abuse these channels to try and harm us, in that moment I need to intervene and protect all citizens as well as the Republic.

As a result, all the GLA leaders who committed these loathsome attacks were clearly trying to harm our Republic! Their countries and the prospects of new citizens will be permanently banned, as this this is a direct attack towards the future of the world!

Keep in mind that any other citizen that tries to harm our Republic will also be permanently imprisoned. It does not matter if you are a President, Congressman, Media Mogul, Customer, Military Hero or a very old citizen!”


We are glad to hear that our rulers are vigilant in these trying times, and us common citizens can sleep easy at night knowing we are protected.

The Aurora Borealis news team will keep you updated of the developments, and wants to remind everyone of the curfew that has been put in place for our protection. Take caution not to socialize on the shout system or forums after dark. Also, anyone spreading anti-Plato leaflets will face the severest possible punishment as dictated by the rules.


Life stream from the scene

As always, this is the Aurora Borealis News, bringing the news to you!

Have a good night and be safe!

Aurora Borealis – the news you never wanted to hear!