Royal Dispatch of His Majesty, Malpazar the Wise

Day 5,004, 06:29 • Published in USA USA • by Malpazar


Greetings and salutations, gentry and serfs alike! It is I, your future king Malpazar! As you probably already know, well, as you should already know, I will be crowned as your king in two days time. You may be asking, "Malpazar, how did you, such a handsome, powerful, and strong individual manage to convince the USWP to endorse you for king?" Well it is quite simple my dear, I did so through the power of money, mind control, political takeover, and straight up murdering the competition.



So I am going to be your king, what does that mean for you?

1. I will be the sole totalitarian ruler, I do not intend on having a cabinet, but reserve the right to hire/fire advisors as I see fit. I will of course take consideration of all those wishing to join the landed gentry via written correspondence.

2. Naturally all programs will continue, as I have no reason to see them end.

3. Congress will be considered the "lower house" and their considerations will be heard, if I am in the mood.

4. I will of course, have lavish feasts in which I will invite the landed gentry of this land to join in my court for these events.

5. Everything else will be Status Quo as I see it now, because of course this is a velvet reactionary monarchical reinstatement.

A wise man once said, "Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick. A shadow on the wall. And a very small man can cast a very large shadow."

I believe, that power resides in me, as your king, and I am certain you feel the exact same.



Now I understand there may be the possibility you are reading this thinking to yourself, well surely he is not serious? Of course to that I must say, I am serious and do not call me Shirley. I will work tirelessly, to make sure the my court and of course, yours truly, is in comfort as I caress our nation with only the love an affection a king can provide to his peasants.



Thank you, and I will see you in two days.

King Malpazar, the Wise.