Of pancakes, war and airplanes.

Day 2,139, 14:11 • Published in Switzerland Ireland • by chris jonadicus


well, hello again, my dear friends.

so, here i was in poland, working with a good salary, and producing staples, and eating pancakes and having fun in the offices of ''legionaire inc.''.
the days were good, the payments were also good.

remember stusio my boss in poland, and the 24.54 CHF he gave me to work for him in poland?

well, sadly he fired me because i didnt served enough pancakes to the office party as needed.

what can you say, sometimes, it happens.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT, WAS UNEXPECTED.

WAR IN THE PACIFIC: ENLIST TODAY MOTHER*****ERS!!1

-thats what the newspapers said.

and i was like: oh really, newspapers? WHY should i do THAT?

BECAUSE ITS YOUR DUTY, YOU MORON!

-but i dont wanna fo to the war.

YOU HAVE TO, FOR YOUR COUNTRY, THE MOTHERLAND, the newspapers said.

-why dont YOU fight for the motherland, then, huh?

UHH, UHH, WE'RE TOO BUSY COVERING NEWS AND POSTING NEW DEVELOPMENTS.

-suuure. (i said)

WELL, YEAH, THATS WHY WE DONT HAVE ANY FREE TIME TO GO TO THE WAR. BUT WE WOULD IF WE COULD! SO GO IN THE WAR, AND TAKE OUR PLACE AS A SOLDIER!

-well, i will think about it.

ARGH

and so, i enlisted in the air support missions.
i thought it would be easy. how wrong i was.

here's a dialogue between my army marshal superior, and me, about his daily orders about the war, and what we had to do in order to succeed.

army: WELL, MR. CHRIS, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, YOU HAVE TO LIBERATE THE PACIFIC FROM THE EVIL GROUP OF MANIACS WHO THREATEN TO KILL US.
YOU MUST DEFEND POLAND.

me: but-but i am from switzerland.

army: YOU HAVE TO DEFEND POLAND.

me: im a swiss citizen, sir.

army: OK, THEN FREE SWITZERLAND, AND POLAND, IF YOU CAN LATER, SOLDIER!
GEE, WHAT A DETAILIST MAGGOT!

me: whatever. what are my orders for today?

army: OK, FOR STARTERS, YOU HAVE TO DEFEAT NO LESS THAN 25 ENEMY SOLDIERS.

me: ok, thats sounds easy i w-

army: OH, AND I JUST REMEMBERE😨 YOU HAVE TO DEFEAT, WITH THE HELP OF ALL YOUR SWISS COMRADES, 13,578 PEOPLE, TODAY.
I WILL WAIT UNTIL LATE AFTERNOON.

me:.... are you SERIOUS? 13,588 PEOPLE?! THATS INSANE!

army: 13,758. NOT A BIG DEAL.

me: WHAT THE HELL?

army: GO TO WORK PRINCESS, GET GOING, F***@$$#@ U %%%^&&@@$$$

me: OK, GEE, YOU F%%@@@ G%%%###@@

army: HAVE A NICE DAY, BRING ME SOME CRUMBETS!

THE NEXT DAY

me: we did it. we defeated 13,758 soldiers. actually, more than that. my swiss brothers and i, defeated....18,427 ENEMY SOLDIERS, SIR, YES SIR! 🙂

army: impressive.... maybe you dont suck so much afterall, suzy.
but i have a new mission for you. it's the mission 2 out of 4.
wanna hear it?

me: how bad can it be?!

army: OK, NOW YOU HAVE TO DEFEAT 32,508 ENEMY SOLIDERS, GOOD LUCK BABY!

me: ARGH NOOOOO ARE YOU F&$$@@@ING INSANE?

army: HAHAHAHA AND NEXT TIME, YOU WILL HAVE TO DEFEAT 65,937 ENEMY SOLDIERS, HAHAHAHA

BETTER KEEP ON MOVING.

so, i can't tell you how much i hate the pacific war missions right now.