Why you should vote for Lama O. Curlins for Congress
Day 3,770, 15:40
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Published in Canada 
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by
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by Lama O. Curlins
I, a food worker and senior airman from Halifax and founding editors of The Glaciers Daily, am announcing that I am proudly running for Congress. In addition of competing against the 'Progressives', here are the additional reasons why you should vote for Senator Curlins.
1. To end the political monopoly of the Canadian Progressive Party.
Voting for Curlins will send a damaging message to the 'Progressives' that their party is keeping Canada stagnant for too long and must take steps to reform the country in the rights direction or be voted out.
2. Curlins will help Canada grow from being a client state to an equal partner with Serbia.
Why the government's territory rental system has increased cooperation between us and our allies, the ruling coalition has failed to offer a plan for becoming a truly sovereign nation without the need of selling our our provinces.
3. Curlins supports a workable social funding program.
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Curlins is a member of the Canadian Imperial Party which is promoting the Wellness Assistance Program(WASP). The WASP provides food supplies not only for those in need, but exclusively for those who are willing to contribute to Canadian society and our future. This ensure that the supplies will go to hardworking eCanadians rather than to lazy bums. Welfare cheats will be excludeding from the program.
The 'Progressive', the self-described Libertarians, art too busy to help our forgotten working class
4. Curlins will help draft a plan for resistance against possible foreign aggression.
There are not one, or even two, but several alliances which could come and destroy Canada any moment, but the Progressives never developed a plan for resistance. They are relying on inavding countries for this, but little do they know that at least one country already has a plan to conquer Canada...FROM THE INSIDE!
5. Curlins end the Austrian threat to our country.
While Canada is playing the "Training War", the beloved people of Slovenia are fighting off the Austrian agression alone, with no backup from their allies. Not only that, but we have evidence that Austria is attempting to infiltrate our nation is siphoning off our money in exchange for insane action movies starring an agent working as an actor in Hollywood.
The Austrians are also attempting to subvert our local music scene and bombarding us with centuries old music. This threatens our local artists.
Here are some of the most widespread compositions which you may not be aware are actually Austrian.
There's even no need to describe
Yet, the Canadian progressives have not done anything to do anything about the Austrian menace! This needs to stop!
Only Curlins and the Imperial Party could help Canada stand-up for itself against foreign aggression.
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Comments
I admit I never even suspected the Austrian menace was plotting world domination. It just seemed all to improbable. Poor Slovenia. We must load the Air Strike at once.
Gotta ask, what drugs are you on? Must be some gooooood stuff, to make up all those mass hallucinations 🙄
**ROLLS AROUND ON FLOOR LAUGHING UNTIL DEATH**
It's been mentioned in the Sooper Sekrit Cabinet meeting message that you're desire for Canada to become an equal partner with Serbia is totally flawed.
Why would we take a step down and allow the upstart Serbs a chance at equality? Forget that nonsense!
No, we are much better off right now enjoying the fruits of Serb and Romanian labor. We've got them right where we want them.
That doesn't change the fact that WE. RENTED. OUT. OUR. OWN. TERRITORIES.
How simple is that.
It's a feature, not a bug. What part of the rental agreement are you upset about?
We, the imperialist Party, are against having to be permanently dependent on foreign revenue.
We will push for a policy where Canada becomes a truly strong, independent nation.
We will push for industries to help our economy grow, not just accepting bills from Belgrade.
Have you looked at our population? Voter totals? Resource selection? Media activity?
Mozart is a douche, Bieber is the right thing!
Wilhem Klink enjoys articles where people talk about themselves in the third person. Klink believe it adds an aura of mystery or perhaps insanity.
But seriously, you stated "the ruling coalition has failed to offer a plan for becoming a truly sovereign nation without the need of selling our our provinces." Questions:
1. please define "truly sovereign". It seems the current plan has eCanada being sovereign over its destiny. By renting out land to more powerful nations, it prevents the middling powers of the eWorld from taking & holding by force all of eCanada. I remember the wipes where we were easy pickings for Albania, et al. How would you address the threat from the eUSA (and others via air strike) without having an easy land access for allies to help?
2. What's your plan for keeping the #40 ranked country in tact absent a land deal? Make sure you address the limitations of being in an alliance when you are not a big hitter.
Also: "5. Curlins end the threat to the Austrian threat to our country." So there's a threat to Austria who in turn is threatening Canada and you want to end the threat to Austria? Shouldn't we encourage the threat to Austria, not end it?
so many questions, but I'll leave it at those for now.
The last one was an editing error.
For the first point, the process will be gradual. After we invadee Austria, we will rent out Austria will acquiring the Canadian territories back from eSerbia. This way, the deal will still be mutual alliance against eUSA.