While in China...
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While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.'
The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.'
The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate it.'
The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'
The doctor replies, 'Well, go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, 'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.'
The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do?’
My American doctor wants to operate and amputate it!'
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.
'Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!'
‘Oh, thank God!' the man replies.
'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'Wait two weeks ... fawl off by self!'
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epic shit! xD
lololol
Dave was at a local bar when a gorgeous woman walked in. The bar was packed and there was only one extra seat, right next to him. Dave, always a friendly guy, decided to strike up a conversation with his good looking new neighbor. But as soon as he said "Hello, Beautiful..." she turned to him and screamed at the top of her lungs, "WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DO YOU THINK I AM, YOU PERVERT!"
This caught Dave very off guard, as all of his friends in the bar were glaring at him for trying to harass this newcomer. He slouched down as far as he could on his stool, and looked at what he thought would be his last drink here in a long time.
After a few minutes the lady said to him, "I'm sorry if I scared or embarrassed you. I'm a Psychology student and I'm doing a study on what happens to an innocent person when they are falsely accused of something in public. Please don't take it personally. We're friends, right? Shake hands?"
Dave looked at her, her hand stretched out, her eyes imploring and shouted, "A THOUSAND BUCKS FOR A NIGHT!! ARE YOU CRAZY??"