Vote Cozza, or I Die! (Just joking...)

Day 745, 16:31 • Published in Australia Australia • by Dartreal


There has been three proud eAustralians that have thrown their names into the upcoming ePrime Minister of Australia election. All three of these visionary men have put forth some very convincing speeches as to why they should be the top dog who runs the yard.

We at the Word Down Under have decided to take a closer look at one of these candidates. He is a long time veteran of eAustralia and a recently married man (sorry eLadies). He is Cozza, a man that could become our next ePrime Minister.

No, I am not writing this article because I am a member of the ERA party, as is Cozza, and no I am not writing this article as I may have “received a small gift” – I am doing this merely to express my opinion. Is it a crime eAustralia? Isn’t it every eMan and eWoman’s right of freedom of speech?

Cozza has some very interesting proposals and I will personally, in my own free will, go through what changes Cozza wants to bring in should he take power. I assure you that my hands are not shaking, my forehead is not profusely sweating nor is there a gun pointed at my head as I right this… God help me.



Mates with eMalaysia , Buddies with Brolliance, Ok with eIndo.
Cozza is looking to still be friends with our neighbouring regions, including our dear eBrothers and eSisters of eMalaysia. There isn’t a need to break off our good relationships with them since we’ve been through a lot – especially with the current eIndonesian aggression. As for eIndo, well Cozza thinks we should just give them a friendly wave and ‘hello’ every now and then.

The bigger issue here is the ongoing debate of joining EDEN or the Brolliance. Cozza believes we should be siding with eUSA and eCanada as they were the main ones who assisted in helping us free eWestern Australia for us. They like us, we like them so it’s only fair we all go to the same party together! Plus, think of the eSports we could do! We could learn how to play American Football and Ice Hockey! Great thinking Cozza!



Baby boom means boom boom for all!
Cozza wants to make the population of eAustralia grows and you know what that means – we’ll be needed to breed like rabbits! Cozza believes that everyone in eAustralia can help boost up the population of our beloved eCountry and get paid to do so as well! All it takes is getting a friend to come join our friendly community and you will be rewarded! Bigger population for eAustralia is something we all want, and we all want gold as well, so everyone wins!



Power to the people!
Cozza believes in the NES as many of the other candidates do. What does NES stand for? NES stands for Nintendo Entertainment System from what I can tell. This will allow people, everyday ordinary eCitizens, to have a say in things going on in the country. Your voice will be heard by our Senate and you will be able to take part in public opinion polls - something else Cozza wishes to see established. If you don’t like something the Senate is about to pass you can make your voice be heard! Cozza is offering you a chance to do this.



Cozzarmy!
The army is Cozza. Cozza is the army. Did you know you can’t spell Cozza or Army without an A? Amazing! Not only that, but you can’t spell Cozza, Army OR eAustralia without an A! This must be a sign! Cozza has a lot of experience in the military. He is a decorated warhero: being a three time Australian Military Marshal and deputy Minister for Defense. I think it is safe to say Cozza knows what he is talking about when it comes to military. Military… something else you can’t spell without an A!

Cozza will implement the defense policy of the ERA found at the link below:
http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/era-s-defence-policy-revealed-1064082/1/20

By introducing this policy, Cozza is looking to strengthen eAustralia both offensively and defensively. This will also see our military organsied better, be less costly and the chance for any citizen to take part in the eAustralian military! Another win-win situation for everyone!



Hottest eFirst Lady, ever!
In voting Cozza not only do we get his policies but we also get the hottest eFirst Lady ever, unless CrowdedHouse becomes the ePM at a future date and emarries Ines Schumacher! Oh man she’d make a better… oh how rude of me I was sidetracked for a second. Lucky looking down the barrel of a shotgun as put me on the right track! Haha… I kid of course… really I do.

As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, Dycey Farley has recently married Cozza (sorry eGents) so should he become the ePM than Dycey will become the eFirst Lady. Just think what a beautiful eFirst Lady could do for eAustralia! Imagine if we had a pretty eFirst Lady before eIndonesia invaded us – it might have never happened! She could have used her good looks and charming personality to make the eIndonesian Armies march back home! Dycey could work wonders for eAustralia alongside her husband!

More ePublic Holidays!
Everyone loves an excuse for a day off so Cozza has vowed that he is going to implement more holidays for eCitizens. The following holidays are going to be given for the good eAustralians:

Cozza Day.
Dycey Day.
Cozza Loves Dycey Day.
Dycey Loves Cozza Day.
Cozza’s eBirthday.
Cozza’s eWedding Anniversary Day.
Cozza’s Graduation From ePrimary School Day.
Cozza’s Graduation From eHigh School Day.
Cozza’s Graduation From eUniversity Day.
Cozza’s First eNewspaper Article Day.
Cozza Loves Green Day.
Cozza Loves Beer Day.



Cake For All!
Cozza has promised that everyone who votes for him will get cake! Any cake you want! Cheesecake! Chocolate cake! Cookie cake! Big cakes! Small cakes! Cakes of all shapes and sizes! Everyone loves cake, even emos love cake – probably due to the fact they get to cut it… see what I did there? Alas, there shall be cake! And to those who don’t vote for Cozza won’t get cake – they’ll get poison! Hahaha just joking you’ll be getting cake as well. There, I said I was joking, can you remove the knife from my neck now? Why am I typing this? Don’t worry I’ll edit it out later.



Dinner With Cozza!
When Cozza is elected as the ePM, he is going to give a lucky eFamily the chance to have him over for a Sunday dinner! That’s right people you hear it first here – you can entertain Cozza for a night! While he is over at your place eating dinner you may engage in conversation about anything – from current eWorld affairs to his personal life. After dinner, why not sit down for a game of Monopoly or two? Cozza is a friendly man who is willing to go out of his way to please the public of eAustralia.

Vote Cozza, or I Die!
That’s right! I’m begging all of you loyal Word Down Under readers to please vote for Cozza or I WILL DIE!!! Haha just kidding eAustralia. Cozza is too soft to harm anyone. He isn’t going to kill everyone I love and care… and he isn’t going to kill me in the most painful way known to man. However, I love living and if you love living than you shouldn’t allow someone who loves living not to live – right?

So let’s say my life is riding on this election outcome, which is not, than you would vote Cozza because you love me, yes? If I die where will all the groundbreaking stories be broken? Who will dive into the murky depths of eAustralia’s underbelly and bring back the dirty truth to the public? For the love of God, please don’t let me die!

Well there you have it folks, my unbiased view on the man that is Cozza.

Cozza – a man of vision.
Cozza – a man of wisdom.
Cozza – a man of the future.

For the better of eAustralia, and for the sake of my life, please vote Cozza on Election Day! Please remember to vote! Every vote counts! eAustralia, you have the power!

(Editor’s Note: Cozza did in no way threaten the editor of this newspaper nor did he have any influence on its contents. The editor maintains that this articles was written under no influence from any outside parties. That being said, the editor will be enjoying his all expenses paid trip in eEurope, giving to him by a kind, caring unknown citizen…)