Turtle Causes Mass accident on I-69

Day 729, 19:01 • Published in Canada Canada • by Lord Penguin

Tragedy struck on the I-69 today, as a turtle caused a mass collision.

It happened when George Houston, a PWLA member (People who Like Animals) saw the turtle and swerved to avoid it, smashing into the nearby propane truck causing a chain reaction and totally awesome explosion.
The end result was a total of 37 car 23 mini vans and 3 eighteen wheelers, leaving an estimate 39 dead and many more wounded. Word on the turtle is still unknown.

The government responded to this crisis with a statement by the local congressman. “Help is on its way, it will be arriving in the next few days, I think, but right now the army is being sent in the help screw up the situation more” said Congressman Ben Dover

While reports of people dying from trivial things like blood loss, and sever trauma, go mainly ignored by all, there has been a mass search for the Turtle by the PWLA, back by the military, they sift through the mounds of dying people only going towards one goal. The Turtle. Their leader, John Windfree, had this to say, as a person grabbed his leg for help.

“We here at PWLA commemorate the actions taken by George Houston, and with this funded search, we hope to find that turtle and bring it home to safety”

The Army is expected to let emergency services through as soon as they find the turtle.

This is James McNamara from Sulphuric Times, saying have a great day and keep that turtle in your thoughts, may he come home safe.