The LAST STEP - No. 1

Day 5,393, 09:30 • Published in USA USA • by Pony Express
The LAST STEP - eAmerica's Top News Source
No. 1


UDWP Stumbles On Their Way to Total Power



The earnest, if semi-literate, fanbois and hangers-on of the newly-formed "United Dates of Wildowl Party" have begun their assent to absolute author-i-tay with a wee flatus, rather than the much-anticipated big rip.

The dramatic entrance of this new group -- devoted to promoting polyamory amongst Tyto furcata -- turned out to be a dreary flop, as it failed to garner barely 50% of the votes of its own "members".

Using the never-before-seen ruse of pulling sycophantic drones and obvious bots and multies into the barn at the very last second in order to push into the Top 5, the "Friends of the Swarthy Owl" (as they call themselves) hoped to ride a virtual bot-storm to the tippy-top of the Top 5 heap. But by dawn, it had become clear that it was going to be a rough ride.





Breaking Stories...


Dominar Rygel is Living Proof That You Can Rise to Top of the Heap If You Try to Bribe Enough Players


eRepublik Life Hacks -- How to Make Yourself Feel Important by Spending Mom's Money on a Ridiculous Game



Dear Aunt Jello


Q: What's the best way to tell your eRep party members you've become a stripper? Especially after previously telling them that IRL you were serious about automobile repair?

A: The only upside to telling your comrades is that it'll be better coming from you than from a snitch. Honestly, they're not going to like it. People respect auto mechanics. But everybody knows that strippers are bunch of sluts. That eloquent sage Melissa Rose says that a party member has only one real job, and that is to "stay off the pole". Spare your party members the details. They'll think you're part of a seedy sub-culture and it will erode their pride in you. And is it really worth it? You didn't mention if you were M or F, but in any case, those assets won't be perky forever and you can't put stripper on a serious résumé, can you? -- Aunt Jello







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